Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: saywhat?

Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…

–R train

Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.

–Bank of America, 6th Ave

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…

–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3

Overheard by: Franco

Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.

–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow

Overheard by: wants to meet the ex

Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?

–14th & 6th

Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!

–80th & 3rd

Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!

–14th St L station

Overheard by: Em

Posted on October 11, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, BJs, Business and Commerce, Cell Phone, Cocaine, Drinks, Drugs, Family Ties, Gripes, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Panhandling, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed

It Make Sparky Things. Me Scared, Hide in Cave.

Girl #1: Yeah, I need to buy a new cell phone; mine is broken.
Girl #2: How come.
Girl #1: I dropped it in the sand during my vacation.
Girl #2: That’s how it broke?
Girl #1: No, it was fine but the sand was all over it, so I decided to rinse it clean with pouring water from the bathroom sink.

–Central Park

Posted on September 11, 2006
Bimbettes, Cell Phone, Central Park, Friends, On Cell, Stupidity

The Wheels on the Wednesday-One Liners Go Round and Round

Bus driver: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, I have an idea: the next stop is going to be Las Vegas! Vegas, y’all! Get out those cell phones and start calling your husbands and wives. Tell ’em you won’t be home tonight. Vegas!

–M103 bus

Overheard by: Tina

Bus driver: Everyone, please move to the back of the bus…Come on, people. I’m speaking English here. Move to the back of the bus so these people can get on. There’s nothing wrong with the back of the bus. It’s not scary. There are no monsters back there. You won’t get hurt. So please move back.

–Q12 bus, Main Street, Flushing

Overheard by: Jo

Bus driver: This is Westchester Ave. Here you can transfer to the 9 and the…uh…I don’t even remember. Hey, you back there! You look like Charles Bronson! You ever heard that?…Whateva. You know you look like Charles Bronson. And the world needs another Charles Bronson.

–Bx40 bus, E Tremont Ave

Overheard by: vegannramember

Posted on August 16, 2006
Bus, Bus Drivers, Cars and Driving, Cell Phone, Crazies, Fears, Languages, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Travel

Can You Hear Wednesday One-Liners Now?

Metro-North conductor: If you have been on your cell phone more than 5 minutes, you are not only annoying all of the passengers around you, but have also probably started to annoy the person on the other end of the call, so hang up.

–Metro-North, Marble Hill

Guy on cell: I’m only calling because I have to walk ten blocks, and I can’t stand to be alone with my own thoughts.

–60th & Lex

Overheard by: tabubob

Queer: I could never respect someone with that ring tone!

–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway

Posted on August 9, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Talking/Convos, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Mom Gets Her Inner Ho-Bag Out of the Garage

Man: It was nice to meet you. Now will you shake my hand?
Little boy: No.
Man: Why not?
Little boy: Because she gave you her number, but she already has a boyfriend! I don’t like that.
Woman: Shut up. That’s not true.
Little boy: If it isn’t, then why did it say “Jason and Trish, together forever” on your phone, when I turned it on right now?
Woman: Together forever, my ass; now shut up!

–Q37 bus, Liberty Ave

Posted on July 30, 2006
Cell Phone, Hootchies, Infidelity, Kids, Lies, Men, MILF, Moms, On the Bus, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Talking/Convos

I Think There’s a Flaw Here Somewhere

Teen: This car is stolen.
Man: What the fuck you talking about?
Teen: I got a StolenCarReport on my phone about this car being stolen.
Man: Muthafucka, you about to get your phone stolen.

–Montague & Hicks, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on June 19, 2006
Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Cell Phone, Crime and Punishment, Gadgets, Teens, Thievery

The Third Locksmith Finally Explained

Girl #1: Oh no, he didn’t! He just texted me in caps!
Girl #2: Oh whatever, remember when you you used to caps everyone?
Girl #1: That was before I knew how to change out of caps lock.

–86th & 2nd

Posted on April 16, 2006
Bimbettes, Cell Phone, Manhattan, Upper East Side

They Stole the Idea from Zeus

Guy #1: Did you bring your cell phone charger today?
Guy #2: Oh yeah. Like, they be giving free electricity up in here, for real.

–Kings Criminal Court Building, Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Chris Thompson

Posted on March 13, 2006
Brooklyn, Buildings, Cell Phone, Comebacks, Guys, Thugs

Wednesday One-liners Pay Roaming Fees

Girl: Jesus, bitch, why you gotta be with that Verizon? They got no text message plan, I ain’t paying no ten dollars a month for no texting, you gotta go with Cingular, bitch, then you don’t gotta pay nothing and you get, like, what the fuck, a much bigger phone selection too and none of that extra charges bullshit, and–god, bitch, why you gotta talk so loud? We all don’t need to hear all about your life, so you still live with your ex-boyfriend, you think I care? Just no need for you to talk so loud, god!–So anyway, and Vonage, that shit is stupid, too. The hell kind of name is that anyway? Vahn-ahge…

–F train

Overheard by: Dormant Gorilla

Posted on February 1, 2006
Advice, Anger Management, Cell Phone, Ghetto Chicks, On the Subway

Cell Phone