Girl: Honey, are you listening to me?
Guy: No, I was thinking about putting my dick in your mouth.
Girl: Oh.
–Central Park
Overheard by: dead letter b
Girl: Honey, are you listening to me?
Guy: No, I was thinking about putting my dick in your mouth.
Girl: Oh.
–Central Park
Overheard by: dead letter b
Kid: But what if they don’t know what I’m saying?
Mom: Don’t worry. In Canada they speak English.
Kid, crying: But I don’t speak English! I speak American!
–Central Park
JAP #1: If you had the chance to hold a monkey, but you had to pay, like, five dollars for it, would you do it?
JAP #2: Oooh, uh-uh. Ain’t no monkey worth five dollars of my time.
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: sarah+ryan
Woman #1: …she’s also a lesbian.
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yeah. She’s a black Jewish lesbian mother.
Woman #2: …What do the kids look like?
–Central Park reservoir track
20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!
–Central Park
Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!
Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.
–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anna
Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.
–Tribeca Park
Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: This girl from NY
Frat boy #1: So, this chick loves to suck my balls.
Frat boy #2: Dude, you told us that, like, seven times.
Frat boy #3: Yeah, I’m beginning to think you’re lying.
Frat boy #1: But now I gotta really lather up down there.
–Pool bar
Overheard by: Scotched
Girl: What happens to the leaves if you just leave them on the ground? They just die, right?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black
Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!
–Central Park Zoo
Boy: This…cost $23 million.
Dad: There’s 23 miles of them!
Boy: Still, that’s a million dollars a mile!
Boy: Wait…so is the fabric pure saffron?
Mom: No no no, saffron is a spice.
Boy: Oh. The only time I’d heard that before was on Pokemon, they had Saffron City.
Mom: It looks like they’re about to start marching!
Dad: They will, by Monday.
Boy: Wha?
–The Gates
