It's a Small Wednesday One-liner, After All.

Hipster teenage girl: Holy crap, there's a midget! I love seeing midgets in the city. I always text my friends and say "there's a midget following me!"

–Central Park

Woman on cell: You and me can't eat twice. Midgets can eat twice. (pause) And babies can eat twice too!

–5th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Kody

Theater teacher: Even though he was under four feet and she was over six feet, it wasn't that weird. I mean, that scene with the deep kissing, when the whole crew is watching, that was kind of… hot. (pause) No, no, I mean, I wasn't sitting there being like, "wow, this midget really turns me on!" I don't go on giantess. Come in my spare time…

–Hunter College High School

Sexy guy: Don't pretend you've never wondered what it would look like to see midgets make 600 chocolate casino dice.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on July 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Hipsters, Horny, Hunter, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…Unlike Your Make-Up.

Older woman: What do you think of my hair?
Woman: It looks great!
Older woman: I hate it, I'm having a bad hair day.
Woman: It looks fine, mom.

–Central Park

Posted on July 3, 2010
Central Park, Gripes, Hair, Moms, Old People, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

Do You Have to Say That About Everything?

Excited young children: Look, it's a polar bear!!!
Jaded mother, in thick New York accent: Get a good look; they're not going to be in the world much longer.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on June 27, 2010
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Comebacks, Kids, Moms, Parks

My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?

–The Library, East Village

Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Charlotte

Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Publius

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen

Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.

–80th St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, B-List, Body Parts, Central Park, Education, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Kids, Library, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Time, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…Which Brings Me to My Latest Invention

Guy: We should go bike riding.
Girl: I can't. I forgot how to ride a bike.
Guy: You don't forget to ride a bike.
Girl: Well, I don't believe that saying, because I forgot.
Guy: If you can ride a cock, you can ride a bike.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Annonymus

Posted on June 8, 2010
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Penis

He Was More Into Strutting and Fretting

Father: Yeah, Shakespeare didn't write too many kids' plays.
Small child: Why?
Father: Um, it just wasn't his thing.

–Central Park

Posted on May 15, 2010
Books & Writing, Central Park, Dads, Kids

You're Both Wrong!

Guy#1, about girl who has just fallen from her bicycle: She has a concussion.
Guy#2: No, she's still breathing.

–West Drive, Central Park

Overheard by: John

Posted on May 13, 2010
Accidents, Central Park, Guys, Health and Hygiene

Duck: Just Fertilize Her Eggs, Already!

Man: You're gonna have to accept that if, say, we're having a romantic afternoon and we pass a hottie on the street, I will check her out, then have to run over, tackle her, dry hump her, and then run away from her, yelling, “I'm sor-ry!” I can't be held accountable for my behavior.
Woman: Yes, you can.
Man: It must be great to be a duck. No relationships. Just eating and living.
Woman: Ducks have relationships.
Man: No, they don't.
Woman: They're like one of the only mammals that have relationships.
Man: No.
Woman: I mean, at least they are couples, like they pair up.
Man: Yeah, but that's like just for the day.

–Central Park Pond

Overheard by: Jalmasy

Posted on April 19, 2010
Animals & Nature, Apologies, Birds, Central Park, Men, Psychology, Relationships, Stupidity, Time, Women

Watch Wednesday One-Liners' Noses Grow!

Chubby Midwestern woman on cell: Yeah, I'm at Saks Fifth Avenue right now.

–Burger King

Overheard by: willy cheesesteak

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm heading west on 23rd.

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Angela

Suit on cell, pacing around fountain: Yeah, baby I'm so sick, I could barely get out of bed this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Didn't go to work or anything. Yeah, I think I'm just going to try to sleep it off, tonight. Guess dinner's off, sorry.

–Central Park Fountain

Overheard by: Knows Suits on cells are always lying

Man on cell, entering subway station: Yeah, I'm going to my limousine now, I'll talk to you later.

–Subway, 66th & Broadway

Dude in hoodie on cell, exiting subway: No, baby, I can't–I'm in Manhattan. No, I'm in Manhattan!

–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge

Man in jeans purchasing Doritos, on cell: Dude, I can't talk right now, I'm running in the marathon. Call you back in a few hours?

–Duane Reade, 87th & York

Overheard by: Upper East Sider

Posted on April 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Duane Reade, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Midwesterners, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Sports, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

A Load Of Manhattan Schist

Visiting bimbo, about giant rock formation in Central Park: So, are these real or were they flown in?
Local bimbo: Oh, I'll have to research that, but I think it's a little from column A, a little from column B.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ed

Posted on April 3, 2010
Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, Central Park, Fakes, Parks, Questions