Clerks

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Middle aged woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find English muffins?
Teen employee: All the muffins are in that aisle over there, but I don't know where they are from.

–Waldbaums Supermarket, Bayside

Man selling CDs: If you like the Mets, you will love my album!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: nicole

Mets fan: I don’t care if I have one lung, or only have half a pancreas, or if I lose a leg falling in front of the train. As long as the Mets win, I’m good to go.

–7 train

Asshole, pointing to guy with Red Sox bumper sticker on his wheelchair: He’s a Boston fan; let’s kick his ass! Oh wait, looks like God beat us to it.

–126th & St Nick

Conductor, on PA: That Johnny Damon. He sure looks like Jesus. But he sure throws like my little sister.

–Amtrak train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Lisita

MTA worker: All people for the Mets game, go to your right. All people for the US Open, if any, go to your left.

–Willets Point-Shea Stadium subway station

Overheard by: Emily

Thugette: Yo, when I make it in show business, I will not speak to Ben Affleck. When I found out he’s a Red Sox fan, I decided then and there.

–Q65 bus

Overheard by: A White Bear

Conductor: 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. Let Big Papi know who the real MVP is.

–D train

Overheard by: Lindsay J.

Cashier: Here’s your change. Have a good day.
Smoker: Matches.
Cashier: There’s no matches left, sorry.
Smoker: No matches? Without matches it’s not worth it.

–Rite-Aid, Bensonhurst

Black hipster girl being given directions: Huh? Crosswalk? What is a “crosswalk”?
Shop girl: Honey, I'm from Ohio and I know what a crosswalk is!

–Vintage Store, West Broadway

Overheard by: Murray

20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks…
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could.

–Restaurant, Times Square

Clerk guy #1: Dude, we should go there on my birthday.
Clerk guy #2: Man, your birthday ain’t for like ten years.

–K-mart, E. 8th Street

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?

–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn't want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Drunk Yankees fan: Hey there! Can we get two Jager shots?
Coffee shop employee: Uh, we don't have any Jager shots here.
Drunk Yankees fan: Well, what do you have?
Coffee shop employee: Uhh… Coffee? Tea? Lattes?
Drunk Yankees fan: Aww, man! (to friend) They ain't got no Jager shots here! (to employee) Okay, thanks anyway. (they leave)
Coffee shop employee: It's 4:30 in the afternoon…

–Coffee Shop, Franklin & Varick

Overheard by: yankees fans are special people

Teen girl: [Mumbles.]Clerk: What?
Teen girl: [Speaks softly.]Clerk: You’re going to have to speak up.
Teen girl: [Leans over counter and mumbles.]Clerk: What? What the fuck are those? [Yells to coworker] Tina*! Do we have any morning after pills? [Teen girl sprints out of store.]

–Crowded CVS