Guy taking out trash: Oh, man, this is pretty gross.
Girl: Yes, it’s full of your semen.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: LB
Guy taking out trash: Oh, man, this is pretty gross.
Girl: Yes, it’s full of your semen.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: LB
Little girl: Look, Mommy, it’s a butterfly. Why do they call it a ‘butterfly’? Because it looks like a fly?
Little boy: It’s because it looks like butter and it flies, right, Mommy?
Mommy: Wrong.
–Pitt & Delancey
Overheard by: Manny
Professor #1, reading from card: There is a chair available for your monologues. Do not stand on the chair. Do not throw the chair.
Applicants and parents: [Laugh.]Professor #1: Do not disrobe.
Applicants and parents: [Laugh harder.]Professor #2: You laugh, but they’re on that card for a reason.
–NYU
Overheard by: ZB
Big black man: I think I like you. You have an aura, a glow. I like you.
Little Asian girl: That’s just perspiration.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Guy on cell: I said to send flowers to his grave! What? Flowers! Wait. I just lost you for a second. Can you hear me now?
Annoyed passenger: Yes, we fucking can.
–NJ Transit
Pedestrian #1, covering nose: Why can’t people take a damn shower?!
Pedestrian #2: Why can’t some people not shit in the street?
–Outside Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: AA
Blonde middle schooler #1: So yeah, Omar asked me if I wanted to, like, go out with him again, and I was like, ‘Um, are you talking to me?’ Fucking retard.
Blonde middle schooler #2: Ewww, Omar?! Gross! He’s, like, ghetto or something.
Brunette middle schooler: At least someone asked you out! I’m 12 and I haven’t had any love in my life. What a loser!
Redhead middle schooler: No, we are friggin’ normal. All the ghetto girls lose their virginity when they’re ten.
Blonde middle schooler #2: Yeah, that’s true.
Blonde middle schooler #1: Nick told me he wanted to do it with me last year, in sixth grade.
Brunette middle schooler: Oh my god, Gayla! What did you say?
Blonde middle schooler #1: ‘Suck my dick.’
–99th & 1st
Short Latina #1: You could never be a model.
Short Latina #2, concerned: Why?
Short Latina #1: Your ass is too big.
–5th & 5th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Andrea
Headline by: Gimpy
Runners-Up:
· “America’s Next Bottom Model” – Fierce!
· “At Least I Don’t Have My Head in Mine” – Drewp
· “But I Smell Like Vomit and Cigarettes!” – Ba-Dunka-Dunk
· “I Can Hear Your Thong Screaming For Help” – Darryl S
· “Those Are My Breasts; I Sling Them Over My Shoulders So That I Don’t Kick Them When I Walk.” – E-man – Master of the UNIVERSE
· “What’s That Got to Do with Hand Modelling?” – KJM
Middle-aged woman #1: … And she went and got the sluttiest tattoo in the world.
Middle-aged woman #2: Wow, there’s tough competition for that one!
–Trader Joe’s
Overheard by: Manhattman
