Drunk hobo #1 (in response to young person playing the guitar): Woohoo!
Drunk hobo #2: Why do you always have to be like that? It’s woo… hoo… Not woohoo!
–Washington Square Park
Drunk hobo #1 (in response to young person playing the guitar): Woohoo!
Drunk hobo #2: Why do you always have to be like that? It’s woo… hoo… Not woohoo!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: Honey, who’s that white guy in our class?
Boy: Which guy?
Girl: The white guy with the accent? It’s like a gangster accent?
Boy: Gangster accent?
Girl: You know: “Yo yo, what’s up?” (throws up gang signs)
Boy: I didn’t know gangsters had accents.
–Parsons New School for Design
Headline by: LJ
Runners-Up:
· “A Whole New Way to Fulfill a Language Requirement” – Bill
· “And Since When Did “The Shocker” Become a Gang Sign?” – cbeck
· “Clearly You Haven’t Spent Enough Time Watching Bad Dance Movies” – mk
· “Keanu Reeves Deeply Researches Yet Another Role” – Bevan
· “Parsons New School Of Liberal Denial Is on 43rd.” – EddieA
· “That’s Not an Accent. He’s Deaf. Those Aren’t Gang Signs. It’s Sign Language.” – DB
· “The REAL Michelle and Barack” – Qasar
Suit #1: Hippos are freaky! All them teeth, and how they can go under the water… Hell, that’s scary!
Suit #2: No! Rhinos are what you should be scared of. Rhinos will fuck you up. Man, rhinos are crazy!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Anna
Fabulous woman: That’s all vodka under the bridge.
–55 Bar
Overheard by: Girl Margaret
Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we’re not talking about your school–we’re talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don’t even know the flavor.
–C Train
Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!
–Bergen St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gnomies
Skinny teen: I wish they made diet water.
–Times Square
JAP: I’d like a Pellegrino.
–Hooters
Middle-aged suit yelling into cell: No- I want to see you drink the bong water!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Me Too…
Guy: I need to go to Europe more often, I kinda compare it to sex, I always come back more relaxed and a little more pleasant to be around.
Girl with him: Gross.
–6 Train
20-something girl: Today I saw the cutest rat, it was just sitting there cleaning itself.
20-something guy: No way! I saw a cute rat today too. When I came to New York I thought that all the rats would be huge with glowing eyes and sharp fangs, but I kind of wanted to keep it… Look! I even wrote it down. (gets out notebook) Saw first rat today, it was surprisingly cute.
–4 Train Station
Girl #1: She don’t have no stretch marks or nothin’.
Girl #2: If I looked like her, I’d be able to work at Lace.
Girl #1 (enviously): Lace…
–46th St, Astoria
Geek boy: You printed out her whole Facebook page!
Asian girl: Dude, you’re a total stalker!
Stalker boy: I’m not a stalker, I just like to keep track of people!
–2 Train
Overheard by: MTA’s Flying Dutchman
Girl (sobbing): I’m sorry… I know cheating is never the answer… I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.
(long silence)
Guy (chuckling): Sorry for laughing. I’m just thinking of what a better person than you I am.
(five minutes later)
Guy (still chuckling): You know you’re hot and guys hit on you all the time but what you forget is that I’m hot. Girls hit on me every day. But I’d never cheat because I’m a good person.
–Metro Cafe, 57th & 5th
Guy from Michigan: That stripper robbed me.
Cop: How so?
Guy from Michigan: She said if I gave her $150 she would jerk me off. I payed her the $150 and she didn’t do it. I want her arrested.
Cop: Is everyone from Michigan an asshole or just you?
–Show World
