Indian dude sitting outside laundromat: It wasn’t a baby! It wasn’t a real, white baby!
Blonde: It was a genuine baby!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Indian dude sitting outside laundromat: It wasn’t a baby! It wasn’t a real, white baby!
Blonde: It was a genuine baby!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Thugette on cell: Yeah, I’m planning on getting arrested this weekend. That’s my new thing now. Instead of going to the club and shit, I’m just going to get arrested.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Metrosexual: Oh my god! Did you hear that Paris Hilton just escaped from prison?
–Broadway & Prince
Mom eating fried chicken: I always thought Penn Station stop was named after a penitentiary…
–A train
Overheard by: Denning
Mocking cop to dude he just arrested: You’ve got jail!
–West Village
College dude #1: You know what I hate about New York?
College dude #2: What?
College dude #1: Female mustaches.
College dude #2: You don’t think there are women with mustaches anywhere else?
College dude #1: No, but there are shitloads more here than anywhere else, and no one seems to care.
College dude #2: Touché.
–59th & 10th
Fag hag: So, how’s your hot cousin?
Queer: He’s dating this girl now… She’s cute, tall… Looks like Katie Holmes — has the same look on her face.
Fag hag: What look is that?
Queer: You know — sad.
–Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Crazy Legs Freddy
Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he’s just being creative…
–Outside NY Public Library
Overheard by: Miss_Rach
Black guy to himself: I’m not like the rest of you — I’m just an ordinary loon!
–52nd & 3rd
Overheard by: what?
Hobo: Does anybody have Amy Fisher’s phone number? I love crazy chicks!
–R train
Old woman to middle-aged woman: You have to walk on the crazy side of the street.
–2nd & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Lady to another, pointing at Borough Hall: Is that place a mental institution?
–Stuyvesant Pl, outside SI Borough Hall
Jamaican nanny on cell: Girl, I just got back from a four day vacation. Where? My bed. We fucked nonstop for four days like dogs. I couldn’t even get out to take a shit.
Mother: Excuse me, there are children around.
Jamaican nanny: Fuck the children!
–Food Emporium, UWS
Overheard by: Dan
Brunette: I felt so bad for that cab driver yesterday.
Redhead: Yeah, I know! He was like, ‘I’ve been here for seven years and I haven’t done anything with my life…’
Brunette: Yeah, I know, and I’m like, ‘Me, too… But I’m rich!’
–Elizabeth & Spring
Overheard by: mark
New school guy trying to impress girl: You have got to try it. It will change your life. It’s like a more mature Smirnoff Ice.
–19th & 8th
Dude on cell: … And then they beat me down, like little monkeys.
–E 7th & Ave H
Fat lady on escalator: He used to be a good-looking guy ’til he lost all his teeth. Now he’s like Skeletor with death-breath.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Actor: Thanks for letting me borrow your phone. Oh, let me wipe my sweat off of it. I sweat like a Southerner in a spelling bee.
–Loews
Overheard by: kristin
Party-goer: I saved my eye crud for years. You know, that stuff you get in your eyes every morning? And we made this guy eat it. With milk. It was like human Grape Nuts!
–S 5th St
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
10-year-old gangsta #1: Yo, I got all kinds of bitches. Right now I gotta choose…
10-year old gangsta #2: Yo, what you talkin’ ’bout?
10-year-old gangsta #1: I got this young bitch… I gotta choose between a girl that’s my age or a younger woman.
–1 train
Overheard by: D. J.
