Crazies

He’s Channeling the President

Crazy guy: Yeah, I don’t have to remember. I know. What are you looking at? I’m gonna kill you, you keep it up, I’m gonna kill you. I don’t need to be no CIA, FBI, Special Agent Man, whatever the fuck you got. I battle evil! I’m gonna kill you.
Man from window: Shut up!
Crazy guy: Fuck you. I battle evil! I battle evil every day. You’re a coward. I’m gonna blow up that building. I don’t like evil. I’m a peaceful man and I battle evil.
Man from window: Go away then.
Crazy guy: I battle evil!

–10th St between 1st & A

Overheard by: A guy trying to be invisible while standing right next to the crazy guy

Posted on March 26, 2006
Crazies, Manhattan, Politics, The Village

Wednesday One-liners Sit on the Throne

Woman on cell: Hold on, I have to juggle, I’m pushing a stroller, walking the dog and holding a big bag of poop.

–189th & Broadway

Posted on March 22, 2006
Arts & Letters, Astoria, Brooklyn, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Queens, Retail Therapy, Should've Used a Condom, Stall Spies, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Spring is Here, New York!

Hobo: You remember me?
Bag lady: Yeah, I remember you; I still don’t like you.
Hobo: I still don’t like you either. You still gotta wash your ass. Stop smokin’ crack and wash your asshole!

–1 train

Overheard by: Nico Medina

Posted on March 20, 2006
Anger Management, Crazies, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, On the Subway

We’ve Got Scabs Ready, TWU

Loudspeaker hijacker #1: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. The monkey bit the conductor.
Loudspeaker hijacker #2: Ladies…and gentlemen–Awoo!–please extinguish all crack pipes and prepare for lift off.

–D train

Overheard by: Michael Squeglia

Posted on March 16, 2006
Animals & Nature, Crazies, Drugs, On the Subway, Smokers & Smoking

Wednesday One-liners See No UHO Money

Hobo: Yeah man, that’s good shit. Except for those white-ass American bandstand drummers. Whoever heard of fucking Clark Kent playing bongos?

–55th & 9th

Overheard by: Luke Reynolds

Posted on March 15, 2006
Anger Management, Brooklyn, Crazies, Drugs, Fashion, Food, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Smokers & Smoking, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-liners Believe in Holy Ghosts

Girl: I know you’re not religious, but do you believe in dinosaurs?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Sasha

Posted on March 8, 2006
Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Hipsters, Hobos, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Retail Therapy, Teens, Union Square and East Village

The New Comeback to Anything, ’06

Woman: Um…excuse me…But…are you all right?
Teen boy: Juilliard audition!

–JFK

Overheard by: Sydney M

Posted on March 2, 2006
At the Airport, College, Crazies, NYU, Teens

Wednesday One-liners Flip Channels

Guy on pay phone: Hey Tom, it’s Jerry.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Matthew Suss

Posted on March 1, 2006
About Celebrities, Anger Management, BJs, College, Crazies, Death, Fashion, Fordham, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Queens, Retail Therapy, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, The Bronx, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, White People

Wednesday One-liners Go Potty

Chick on cell: It’s a long story involving a lot of urine, but the gist of it is, we can’t use that refrigerator ever again.

–Madison Square Garden ladies’ room

Posted on March 1, 2006
Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Celebrities Overheard, Crazies, Health and Hygiene, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Poop, Retail Therapy, Should've Used a Condom, Stall Spies, Stupidity, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Tourist Attractions

Nah, He Never Needs to Transfer

God Squad lady: Jesus is coming! Jesus is coming!
Girl: Well, is he going to be getting off the S train? ‘Cause I’ll just meet him there.

–Port Authority

Posted on February 26, 2006
Crazies, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Port Authority, Religion