Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Kosher

Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Justin

Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks…

–W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out?

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that.

–Brooklyn College

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Tonight's Movie: The Italian Job

Hot girl: Every time I look in the mirror, I cry a little bit inside.
Hot girl's friend: Why? But you're like so pretty.
Hot girl: For all the ugly people out there who must feel so unsatisfied with themselves and their nonexistent sex lives when they look at me and think, “wow if only I had such assets. If only my butt jiggled like that.”
Hot girl's friend: What is with you and your obsession with anal intercourse? You can have a perfectly balanced sex life and not engage in anal sex.
Hot girl: Not if you're Italian.
Hot girl's friend: Ohhh, so that's why Italians have such nice asses. All that thrusting must widen the butt cheeks tremendously.

–64th & 1st

Posted on January 3, 2009
Ass, Backdoor, Beauty, Crying, Friends, Girls, Physical appearance, Sex, Upper East Side

“Time Is a Social Construct!” I Scream Frustratedly, While Opening My Gifts

20-something, with bun and cat glasses: I don't cry.
Grrrl friend: Me neither.
Cat glasses: Only when I'm like really angry or frustrated.
Grrrl friend: Yeah.
Cat glasses: I cry like twice a year. Christmas and birthdays.

–44th St & 8th Ave

Posted on November 24, 2008
Anger Management, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Crying, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

New Yorkers Love a Game of “So You Think You Have Problems?”

Screaming child: Mommy, I want to go home!
Disgruntled employee: You think you have problems?! Try graduating from art college in the middle of a recession! Then you can cry!

–H&M Store

Posted on September 1, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Default, Education, Kids, Questions, Store, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Know I'll Never Need Anything Else As Long As I Live

Little girl: Please?
Father: I'm not paying attention to you.
Little girl: Pleeeeeeease? Do you want me to cry? I'll cry. Do you want me to cry, daddy? (holds up stuffed owl) Just get this for me and I'll be happy, please?

–Gift Shop, Museum of Natural History

Posted on August 29, 2008
Crying, Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, Parents, Questions, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Didn’t You Wonder Why the Entry Exam Has an Interior Design Section?

College girl #1: Jake is the kind of gay where you don’t know he’s gay and when you find out, it makes sense. Nobody can be that hot and that straight. It wouldn’t be fair to every other girl out there if you were dating him. He’s the kind of gay you cry over when you find out.
College girl #2: Every guy is gay here. How did you not know that he was? It’s like, a prerequisite to get in.

–Fordham University Lincoln Center

Posted on July 12, 2008
Beauty, Crying, Dating, Default, Fordham, Gays and Lesbians, Offers and requests, Sorority Girls, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Babies Are Notoriously Resistant to Spin Control

Overzealous new mother to oblivious young infant: This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none.
Infant: Wahhhhh!!!!
Mother: No, no, no! It’s ok! That little piggy didn’t want roast beef! He was offered it but he turned it down. Maybe that little piggy is vegan! Yeah! Maybe he’s vegan! Don’t cry!

–NJ Transit

Posted on July 8, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Default, Food, Kids, Moms, Trains Not Subway, Vegetarian & Vegan

Then I’d Steal Your Tampons, Since You Wouldn’t Need Them

Private school girl: Would you cry if you found out I was dying?
Friend: Sure, if I was on my period.

–Great Lawn

Posted on July 4, 2008
Central Park, Crying, Death, Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Menstruation, Questions, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Idolized Wednesday Addams Growing Up

Creepy-looking, middle aged goth guy, yelling: He dances with the denizens of the underworld! [Turns to his female companion.] What was his webpage again?

–7th b/w 1st & 2nd

Goth chick: Yea, my mom cried while my dad chased me around with sandpaper.

–Pratt Campus

Overheard by: Late-Night Passerby

Goth girl to friend: I can’t wait until you’re addicted to sex.

–Queens

Goth girl talking loudly to goth friend: It just sucks that everyone is such a toolbag. Like everyone. That guy right there. Toolbag. You. Toolbag. Everyone is just a toolbag. Like seven out of ten people are just tools.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Annoyed goth chick to friend: …so it looks like I’m going to be whipping some yuppies in a dungeon again.

–Bedford Ave & 3rd

Overheard by: yuppie45