Little boy, about little brother: Daddy, he says that when the blood on his knee dries, he's gonna pick it off and throw it at me! Daddy, tell him not to do that!
Dad: That scrape is fresh. We have plenty of time before we need to worry about that.
–6 Train
(six-year-old boy tries to cross street against traffic)
Father, grabbing boy's hand: Whoa, little man! That's dangerous!
Six-year-old boy: Daddy, I eat danger for breakfast.
–Ocean & Newkirk, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Well I eat razors and nails.
Father: For the last time, God is not the president! They are not the same thing!
Little boy: Okay, so nobody is God.
Father: No, that is not what I said. God looks like different things to different people.
Little boy: I think God looks like… um… happy…
Father: Whatever.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Lori
Boy: Where did Mama go?
Dad: To the ladies’ bathroom. She’s a lady.
Boy: She’s not a lady!
Dad: She’s not?
Boy: No way!
–Waldorf-Astoria men’s room
Mother: I'm so glad you want to learn about voting!
Five-year-old girl, to employee: Where are your books about Joe Biden?
(ten minutes later)
Five-year-old girl, screaming at the magazine rack: I want the magazine with the lady from TV on it!
Mother: Use your indoor voice. You know what her name is.
Five-year-old girl: But…I love Oprah.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington
Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?
–Q Train
Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.
–Liberty Park
Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.
–Queens
Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.
–Broadway
Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Lex
Five-year-old daughter: It looks like a hot dog, Daddy! It looks like a hot dog! Daddy!
Dad: I know, I know.
Five-year-old daughter: But it looks like a hot dog! Oooh! Daddy! You didn’t wipe it!
Dad: I know! Let’s go, c’mon.
–Men’s room, movie theater, Union Square
Overheard by: Bluesybyer
Yuppie father: You will learn Italian.
Four-year-old daughter, yelling: Noooo! I wanna have fun!
Yuppie mother with French accent: But you had fun learning French! You will have fun learning Italian.
Four-year-old daughter: Nooooooooo!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Eight-year-old boy, carrying real but child-size golf clubs: I have two lawyers, don’t I daddy?
Father: Yes.
Eight-year-old friend: I have three.
–18th & Broadway
Dad: What’s wrong, sweetie?
Two-year-old child model tugging at shirt on set and grimacing: Daddy, I just poopied my diaper.
Dad: I appreciate your honesty.
–Photoshoot, Midtown
Overheard by: Nikki
