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[title Of Show] Is Even a Dumpy Title

Old obnoxious wife: Why is this set so dumpy? It's not a real set.
Old obnoxious husband: I think it might be ironic… It says “Look! We're on Broadway with a dumpy set!”
Young obnoxious girl in front of them (obviously a fan of the show): That's kind of the point. It's four chairs and a keyboard. And that's all they need to be successful. If you pay attention to the show, you'll find this out.
Old obnoxious husband: Oh, well… that's… poetic.
Old obnoxious wife: It's still dumpy!

–Lyceum Theatre, W 45th St

As John Stossel Explained, in That Completely Balanced Report

Drunk guy to friend: Everybody knows that if you're a Boy Scout in the Midwest, you're a fucking asshole.
Friend: I know.

–43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Joey

An Occupational Hazard of Kicks to the Head

Older gentleman: You know, I used to date a Rockette.
Younger woman: Oh, really? Cool!
Older gentleman: …a cross-eyed one.
Younger woman: They're the best kind.

–Outside Radio City Music Hall

And Watch Pop-Up Videos

Homeless druggie chick: I'm waaay smarter than you!
Homeless druggie dude: No way, I'm crazy smart and shit.
Homeless druggie chick: Well, I know tons of shit that you don't, like that Manhattan is the only city in America that doesn't have a Main Street, and that mosquitoes have 47 teeth!
Homeless druggie dude (very impressed): Daaamn you are smart! How did you know that?!
Homeless druggie chick: I read Snapple caps, bitch!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kiki

Nobody's More Prejudiced Than the Victims Of Prejudice

Young man #1: You know, I don't get it. Why am I being ostracized?
Young man #2: Those girls.
Young man #1: So what if I hang out with those girls! I like girls as… you know… friends. It's not like I'm straight or anything.
Young man #2: But, Jerry… You fucked all of them! You're not gay.
Young man #1: Just because I like to fuck girls doesn't make me straight, Okay? Geez!
Young man #2: Really? And all this time I thought that's exactly what it meant.
Young man #1: It just means I don't like assholes.
Young man #2: You're still not going with us to the drag show. Get over it.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Tara O'Sullivan

A Muscle Shirt With Holes? The Jury's Reached a Verdict

Latina hipster: He loved my hair!
Latino hipster: They was all faggots. It was fags that loved your hair.
Latina: He didn't sound gay. And he had holes in his shirt.
Latino: Was he wearing polyester?
Latina: No.
Latino: See?

–A Train

Overheard by: Drew

…in Sheep's Clothing

Black gay guy: I thought she was a girl. Michelle thought she was a girl, too.
Michelle: I thought she was a young boy.

–4th St & Bedford Ave

How the Handsome Prince Came to Be Cursed by the Witch

Old lady: Excuse me, could you help me move these bags?
Young teen (looking a bit confused and pissed off): Um. Sure.
(the teen moves the bags around the cart)
Old lady: Thank you. Could you help me pull up my pants?
Young teen: No, I cannot help you pull up your pants. I came here for some Advil, not to help you pull up your goddamn pants.

–CVS, 92nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Jayla M

How Piss Fights Originated.

(Asian guy cuts in front of black guy in suit and starts peeing into toilet)
Black guy in suit: I was here first.
Asian guy: I have to go more.
Black guy in suit: Move or I am going to piss on your back, motherfucker.
(Black guy now stands side by side with Asian guy at toilet, both actually peeing into same toilet while trying to push each other away)

–W 4th Pizza Place

At Least She's Unlikely to Vote

Young man: Excuse me ma'am, but do you support Barack Obama?
Young mother: Who?
Young man: Barack Obama.
Young mother: Who?
Young man: Ba-rack O-ba-ma.
Young mother: I don't know who that is.
Young man: Have you been following the elections?
Young mother: The what?
Young man: Nevermind.

–42nd St & 6th Ave

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