Young Canadian tourist boy: Did you just fart?
Sister, sternly: Shhhh Dylan! We’re in America now.
–Macy’s
Young Canadian tourist boy: Did you just fart?
Sister, sternly: Shhhh Dylan! We’re in America now.
–Macy’s
Woman: Thank god it’s Friday!
Subway janitor: Actually, Friday is my Monday.
Woman: [Thinks for a while.] Well, how was your weekend?
–6 Train Station
Eight-year-old-girl: What is aged cheese?
Dad: You age cheese to make it better.
Eight-year-old-girl: You do?
Dad: Like whiskey.
Eight-year-old-girl: Ahhhh, I see.
–Starbucks, 9th & 2nd
Girl #1: What kind of man wears a toe ring?
Girl #2: Umm… he was talking to himself and fumbling with something in his butt.
Girl #1: Yeah, but he had a blackberry.
–A Train
Overheard by: Cynthia
Hobo, jingling change in old paper bag: Damn baby! You are a beautiful girl!
Girl: [Looks away.]Hobo: Will you marry me? I promise you a palace!!
–F Train
Overheard by: Sara
Guy: I hate people honking on their horns in still traffic. It never helps anyone.
Girl: Until I get a bumper sticker that says “Keep honking, it only makes my penis bigger.”
Guy: … And that’s my cue to go.
–1 Train
Woman #1: I really have to pee!
Woman #2: My god! Again? You have the tiniest bladder!
Woman #3: You know what they say about a tiny bladder?
Women #1 and #2: What?
Woman #3: Huge vagina!
–Olea, Forte Green, Brooklyn
Huge black guy on cell: Yo man, I got nostalgic on that ass!
–Center & Lafayette
Overheard by: jonnytimmy
Hobo holding open door: Hello, beautiful lady.
Woman, dropping a five in cup: You’re one smart son of a bitch.
–86th & Lexington
Tourist: Can you tell me where grand zero is?
Lady: You mean ground zero?
Tourist: Yes, I guess it is the same thing, okay…
Lady pointing straight ahead: Walk straight ahead. You see the big gap in the sky? There you go.
Tourist: Wait. I don’t see anything. What, its all gone already?
Lady: Are you retarded?
–Corner of Church & Reade
