When Your Relaxation Tapes Are Narrated by Woody Allen

Mom: You need to relax!
Teen girl: Why? Because I said “Oh my god”?
Mom: Just relax!
Teen girl, mockingly: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Mom: Just fucking relax!

–Union Square

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Psychology, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Fake Fur Is Fake Murder, Though

Hipster smoking clove: Hey, what kind of fur is that?
Uptown woman in fur: Um… Fake?
Hipster smoking clove: Cool.

–Outside the Imperial Theatre, West 45th Street

Overheard by: JasonBSchmidt

Posted on May 4, 2008
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compliments, Default, Fakes, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Rich people, Smokers & Smoking, Theater, Women

Candy Is Dandy; To Lick Her Is Quicker

Girl #1: I think Inna still gets a little embarrassed when we have sexy-time.
Girl #2: Do you think that deep in her heart she is not a lesbian?
Girl #1: I dunno… But–
Girl #2: Remember the twizzler incident! The twizzler incident!

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Penneh

Posted on May 3, 2008
Advice, Battery Park, Default, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lesbians, Questions, Sexuality, Stuyvesant, Words

Why You Always See Babies Driving Sports Cars

College meathead #1: You don’t think generally the size of the person is the size of the dick?
College meathead #2: Nah, I mean how could you prove that?
College meathead #3: Dude, why do you think babies’ dicks are so small?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: sromeo

Posted on May 3, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fordham, Frat Boys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Meatheads, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Stupidity

New Yorkers Are Entertainers First

Kid #1: They be profiling us, though! Did you see the way the cops came directly up to us?
Kid #2: Calm down, peoples is lookin’ at us.
Kid #1: That shit pisses me off though! They think we all just smoke weed and sell drugs!
Kid #2: But that’s all we ever do, smoke week and sell drugs!
[Kids laugh, onlookers try not to].

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fet

Posted on May 3, 2008
Advice, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drugs, Fears, Friends, Gangstas, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Questions, Weed, Weirdness

…Toasting Him at Other Bars

Man on barstool: I want to toast my friend who passed away.
Bartender, as he slides glass to man: Oh geez, sorry to hear that. When did he die?
Man: Four years ago.
Bartender: Four years ago… And you are just now…
Man: I’ve been busy.

–3rd Ave Bar, near 37th

Overheard by: Paul

Posted on May 3, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Death, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friendship, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Time, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And the Indoor Fireworks?

Guy in Christmas sweater: I just got renters insurance.
Friend: Congratulations! Just in time for Chinese new year!

–Sweet & Vicious

Posted on May 3, 2008
Chinatown, Default, Friends, Global Geography, Guys, Holidays, Money & Class

…But Okay

20-something chick: Besame!
Boyfriend: Piss on me? Really?
20-something chick: No! Besame! It means “Kiss me” in Spanish!
Boyfriend: Oh. Can I do both?
20-something chick: If you were bilingual we wouldn’t have this problem.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Vicksburg