Queer #1: I hear Jerry got a haircut.
Queer #2: It doesn’t matter: he still has scabies.
–Reade St & Lafayette
Queer #1: I hear Jerry got a haircut.
Queer #2: It doesn’t matter: he still has scabies.
–Reade St & Lafayette
Tour guide trying to attract tourists: Hello! Great bus ride for tourists, only $30!
Girl: I'm not a tourist, I'm a student at Fordham.
Tour guide: Fordham's in England, you dumb bitch.
–Times Square
Customer: Can you tell me if there are any locations in the Washington DC or Baltimore areas?
Secretary: Um where is Baltimore?
Customer: It’s in Maryland.
Secretary: No, we don’t have any in Maryland… And DC — where is DC?
Customer: Like, Washington DC…
Secretary: It says we don’t have any in that state. There’s some close by in Arizonia and California though.
Customer: No, Washington DC — like, our nation’s capitol.
Secretary: No, I don’t think so. Sorry, I’m not so good with geography.
–Brite Smile, 57th St
Overheard by: Tracey G
Jock: So, maybe you and I could… have coffee or lunch some time?
Religious chick: Sorry, I only date guys who are saved.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: cindy hawkins
Mother: … And I cleaned your pillow cases…
Screaming child: No!
Mother: … And your blankets…
Screaming child: No!
Mother: … And your sheets!
Screaming child: No! No! No! [Cries.]
–Astoria
Overheard by: Almost too cold to laugh
Tourist dude: I would really like to go see Kevin’s uncle’s house.
Girl: Who?
Dude: You know, Kevin from “Home Alone 2”, I am sure the house is all renovated now.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: jlovely
Wannabe socialite #1: God, I hate everyone in this part of town.
Wannabe socialite #2: I know, right? I mean… they walk so slowly, and talk so much nonsense.
(pause)
Wannabe socialite #1: The coke hangover can’t help though, can it?
Wanna be socialite #2: Definitely not.
–Broadway & Spring
Dad: See, that’s why the bus has stopped. Look at all those people getting on the bus.
Little boy: Zombies! They’re all zombies! Millions and millions of zombies!
–M15 Bus
Guy that just missed the subway: Shit, shit, shit, fuck, shit…
French tourist, looking at guy: Merde.
Guy: Thank you!
–N Train Station
Hipster guy: Did we sleep in ’till 1 pm today? Or was that yesterday?
Hipster girl: No, that was yesterday. We slept in ’till ten today.
Hipster guy: What’s wrong with us? Do we have aids?
–Williamsburg
