Diet/Weight

Wednesday's Great With One-Liners

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here!

–6 Train

Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child!

–W4 Subway

Overheard by: Keep Pushing On!

Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital.

–Rockefeller Center

Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what?

–57th & Park

Overheard by: would have liked to help her

Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins.

–6 Train

But Then She Kicked Me in the Teeth with a Timberland

Teen #1: So, did your friend come by?
Teen #2: Yeah, for a quick hot minute. And girl, she’s sooo skinny. And she’s pregnant… And she’s a lesbian.
Teen #1: Ohhh…
Teen #2: I told her she could be on Jerry Springer.

–4 train

Overheard by: NinjaRider

And Prickly

Mom: Let’s take the stairs, honey.
Thick daughter: Are you saying I’m fat?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Jason

I’m More of a Fourth-Date Girl

Teen girl: It’s just… Even though he was fat, I liked him because of his personality. But once I actually saw his penis, or more like lack of a penis, that was just the last straw. I mean, you can be kinda fat with an awesome personality, but you’ve gotta have a good-sized dick, y’know?
Friend: Wait, you didn’t know he had a small dick until last week?!

–56th & 3rd

Overheard by: samantha

Okay, Now You're Just Bragging.

Old man: I'm picking up a big-legged woman in Stamford.
Conductor: Oh, that's good.
Old man: Yeah, she's 300 pounds.
Conductor: Okay.
Old man: Yes. A very large woman is waiting for me in Stamford.
Conductor: Sounds like you're excited.
Old man: Yeah, and she has a rack, too!

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Reilly

Wednesday One-Liners Would Rather Be Thin and Dead

Young woman: Oh… I don’t eat dinner anymore. That’s my new thing.

–Bloomingdale’s, 59th St & Lex

Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

Mother to size-4 daughter: If you were skinny you’d look good in these clothes.

–Zara, Lex & 59th St

Queer: Go ahead, get dessert. You can just purge it up later.

–Azul Bistro, Stanton St & Suffolk St

Girl on cell: Why do you always ask if I’m anorexic? What’s so wrong about being bulimic?

–7 train

Overheard by: Dorothy

Ana girl: Look at those kids eating… Eating…

–Lowes, Times Square

Overheard by: julia

Guy: Please, I did so much coke, I can fit into these pants.

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Queer on cell: Eating disorders are healthy.

–23rd St & 8th St

Overheard by: Also a Homo

She Stopped Eating the Granulated Kind Straight from the Bag

Zaftig female usher: I’m trying so hard to lose weight, but I’m having the hardest time!
Obese female usher: You have to cut out sugar. That’s what I do.

–Avenue Q, Golden Theatre

Hard to Imagine Heaven without Cheese

Mother: Shit, girl. You ain’t getting no more cheese for the rest of eternity if I got anything to do with it.
Young girl, crying: I hope I die.
Mother: Well, when you die, heaven help you, they know you lactose intolerant up there, too. So no funny stuff, understand?

–B63 bus, Park Slope

Overheard by: John Proctor

NYC Rules Require This to Continue Until the First “Fuck You”

Chubby girl customer: So, no fights in here today?
Middle-aged sandwich artist: What happened to you?
Chubby girl customer: I was scared to come back after last time!
Middle-aged sandwich artist: No, I mean, you’re gaining weight.

–Subway sandwich shop, Times Square

Overheard by: Emma

Panda Bears Go Through This on a Daily Basis

Girl #1: I can’t go out with him. He’s fat.
Girl #2: So are you.
Girl #1: Really? Oh… yeah.

–Applebee’s, Times Square

Overheard by: eee!

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