Subway operator: This downtown 1 train will not be stopping at 50th Street. I repeat, will not be stopping at 50th Street.
(a minute passes)
Subway operator: We will not be stopping at 50th Street. There is a stalled train there. We will be going straight to 42nd without stopping at 50th.
(another minute goes by)
Subway operator: This is a downtown 1 train, next stop will be 50th. Shit! 42nd.
–1 Train
Fat woman, stopping sales lady: Hold up. Where are all the clothes for fat teenagers?
Sales lady: Uhh…uhh…7th floor.
–Macy's, Herald Square
Confused American: I used to think Atlantic City was in Atlantic State.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: MBS
Drunk guy: I don't understand why people are giving Sarah Palin so much grief over that Russia thing. It really *is* pretty close to Alaska.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Anti-McCain dude to another: Man, Sarah Palin is crazy. Yo, she's just crazy. Why did John McCain even pick her? She's not even an American citizen, she's Alaskan!
–The Bronx
Nervous white lady: Um, is the Broadway/Lafayette stop coming up soon?
–Uptown 1 Train
UPS guy to lost tourists: I'm not a GPS! I'm the UPS!
–Prince & Lafayette
Overheard by: dee
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the garden is?
Bored looking suit: Ma'am, this is a stadium.
Tourist woman: You asswipe, I can see that, I'm asking where the garden is!
Bored looking suit: Lady… Look, I'm not going to lie to you. It's two blocks down.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Conductor at Jamaica station: There is an express train to Babylon across the platform. It will get to Babylon nine minutes earlier than this train. I strongly recommend you take that train. In fact, I implore you to.
Drunk passenger: Wait…does this train still go to Babylon?
Sober passenger: Yes, just slower.
Drunk passenger: Then I ain't walking across no platform.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Little boy, pointing to staircase leading to basement: Daddy, what's downstairs?
Dad: Hell.
–Clothing Store, NoHo
Mother to seven-year-old daughter: We take the A to 168th Street and then the 1 to 231st.
Daughter: Ah! Don't you just love travel!
–Uptown A Train
Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!
–Carrol Gardens
Overheard by: Smegma
Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!
–35th & 8th
Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!
–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!
–F Train
Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alice
Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!
–44th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: would never buy that shit
NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!
–8th & Broadway
Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)
–Union Square
Overheard by: Glad I had a map
Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.
–51 & Lexington
Overheard by: Miriam
Conductor: Next stop, 81st Street, Museum of Natural History.
Mom to young son: Okay, sweetie, this is our stop for the museum.
Six-year-old boy: But mom, I wanna go to Central Park instead!
Hobo: Listen to your mother, boy! Go the museum. Git yerself some edjumicate… Edjcation…go learn something!
Six-year-old boy: Mommy, what did he say?
Mom: He said, “don't be fucking stupid.” Let's go.
–C Train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
