Drunk guy #1: I haven't really done anything past missionary.
Drunk guy #2: Dude, why?
Drunk guy #1: Well I did do this one where she bent over and my balls kept on smacking her ass.
Drunk guy #2: Doggie style?
Drunk guy #1: No, not doggie style, I've seen dogs fuck, and it wasn't like this, like my balls were really smacking her ass, it made a sound. I watched dogs, their balls don't make a sound like that. It was like a smack, you know.
–PATH Train
Drunk and disorderly woman: Joshua! What the fuck?! (gives him a clumsy punch) Oh my god! This shit's not gonna come off!
Sober male companion: I don't know what you're flipping out about. You would've just licked it off your arm anyway.
–Ave U & W 7th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kris S.
Drunken woman: So why did you decide to marry her?
Drunken man: Because she just moved in!
–Ayza Wine & Chocolate Bar
Overheard by: Colleen
Hobo #1: Man, I love being drunk.
Hobo #2: I know. You say that every day.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Frenchie
Drunk chick: I don't care if you let me I'm smoking this fucking cigarette. (lights it)
Driver: Brunettes are slutty.
Drunk chick: What?
Driver: It's okay, I like slutty chicks.
–Taxi Cab, Williamsburg
Overheard by: where's waldo?
Drunk punk #1: How was your date with BJ?
Drunk punk #2: She got wasted and passed out in her hallway.
Drunk punk #1: Awesome!
–Bouncing Souls Concert, Webster Hall
Drunk dude getting restrained: No, you don't understand. I could murder anyone! Not like my family. My family's all pussies… They're all Ricky Martin!
–Outside Nightcaps, Midwood
Dreadlocked lesbian: I can feel in my heart of hearts that you'll be okay, baby. You didn't kill anybody, you paid a guy to kill somebody.
–Lesbian Bar, Park Slope
Overheard by: gvw
Elderly Eastern European woman to elderly man: A dyke can kill three thousand woman! Most killer in de' world!
–Bedford Avenue & N 10th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ken Thompson
Little boy exiting bathroom: You're not the only one alive here!
–Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Overheard by: MeiLi
Girl to friend: If I died, and you heard about it–please burn me.
–Astoria, 21st St
Professional woman to another: Well, because I know that you are opposed to genocide and everything…
–Union Square
Three-year-old black girl stabbing at her SpaghettiO's: Die cracker die!
–Day Care Center, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn
Drunk guy outside window: Where am I? I know I'm in Brooklyn…
Drunk girl: Yeah, we're in Brooklyn.
Drunk guy: Yeah, but what borough is Brooklyn in?
–Atlantic Avenue
Overheard by: Jonah
Drunken idiot (in last row of Madison Square Garden): You don't understand, I have connections. One phone call and I'm right back in here…
Security guard: I don't care if you wanna call President Bush. You can use my cell phone. If the people in front of you complain again, you're history. Enjoy the show, try not to drink too much.
Drunken idiot to girl who complained: Snitches get stitches!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lalaith
Drunk man to couple in booth: Hey, hey, are you two siblings or are you dating?
Woman: We're siblings.
Drunk man: Are you sure? Because sometimes when I'm with my sister I tell people we're dating.
Man: Yeah, we're sure.
Drunk man: Okay, well, I'm going to Central City. How long do you think it would take to get there?
Man: Pennsylvania?
Drunk man: Yeah.
Man: By train or walking?
Drunk man: I'm gonna walk, motherfucker!
Man: At least a couple of hours. I think you're going to need a few more drinks.
Drunk man: Yeah man! (to woman) You look like you could be in Pirates.
Woman: Yeah, I get that a lot.
–Tick Tock Diner, 34th St
