Hungover girl to friend: I can't eat this pizza, it tastes like vagina.
Friend: I wish my vagina tasted like pizza.
–Artichoke Pizza, 14th St
Overheard by: Shelli Silverstein
Hungover girl to friend: I can't eat this pizza, it tastes like vagina.
Friend: I wish my vagina tasted like pizza.
–Artichoke Pizza, 14th St
Overheard by: Shelli Silverstein
Drunk hobo: Can I tell you one thing before I die? Babe Ruth was the best there ever was… But I never saw him, and neither did you! Do you know why?
Blonde girl: No…why?
Drunk hobo: Because you weren't alive…and neither was I. (takes out flute and plays Take Me Out to the Ball Game)
–E Train
Old drunk hobo to friends: Let me tell you guys a story. Back when I was breaking in to fucking cars this broad comes at me and takes me to this commune. Gotta be at least 50 hippies, everyone's fucking everyone, always blazed, I'm fucking everything that moves because I'm 18 and my dick is hard all the time, and all the women are walking around all fucking…
All friends together: Naked!
–4th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: rpk
Drunk chick: Apparently there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and also a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Really?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it's a good thing I've changed, because if I hadn't, I'd be fucking everything in sight right now.
–Bathroom, Beer Garden in Astoria
Overheard by: ALi
Drunk guy to cop with nightstick: Ya' know what, you all should get like lightsabers and shit.
Cop: That would be fun.
Drunk guy: Yeah, I'd never fuck with you guys again.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: jimmy
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
–Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
–Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
–Crocodile Lounge
Drunk girl #1: You can buy the morning after pill with your ID now!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, I was think about buying a hamster from PETCO now that I'm old enough!
–3rd Ave & 13th St
Drunk guy #1: Alright, just saying, if all of us and our friends were chicks, who would get a boob job?
Drunk guy #2: Oh, definitely Mike*. You know, I would definitely say him. He's pretty vain.
(two innings and many beers later)
Drunk guy #1: Alright, if we all were chicks, who'd be clean shaven?
Drunk guy #3: It'd be Steve*. I mean, he already manscapes!
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Number 6
Headline by: stephie
Runners-Up:
· “Alright, If We All Were Chicks, What Base Would You Go to With Me?” – Rosie
· “And Which One Would Go Lesbian With Me?” – Meredith
· “And to Answer Your Next Question, Frank Already Does Anal So…..” – I’d shave too.
· “How We Ended Up Giving One Another Head, But Not in a Gay Way” – Rionn Fears Malechem
· “Then Raise Your Beers and Answer Me This, “Who Would Swallow?”” – Bobo D Clown
Drunk woman on cell: Come out with us! Don't go to bed. You're a realtor. Realtors don't sleep.
Drunk man, stealing cell phone: Hey–get over here. You're a realtor. You don't sleep, you don't eat. You're a realtor.
–Bleecker & Macdougal
Overheard by: Emily
Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Dude who's that chick in the picture on your phone?
Tall friend: Oh, it's my niece.
Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Buzzkill.
–Bowlmor Night Club
Overheard by: Revere La Noue
