Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Locked in the Bathroom for an Awfully Long Time

Boy, to uninterested girl: You gotta date me! What you mean you only date 25-year-olds? Do you know what 25-year-old guys do?? They masturbate. All the time. It’s true -my dad told me.

–Fordham Road Subway Station

Overheard by: …as opposed to guys of all other ages??

Girl on cell: They keep doing it, and it’s ridiculous. I mean, they should just whack it off in the bathroom like everybody else does.

–Auditions, 35th & 8th

Chick on cell: What’s wrong with jerking off in the baggage claim at the start of a three day weekend?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Surly stocker to fellow coworker: If they keep calling me upstairs, I am not going to have time to eat, or masturbate, or anything!

–Duane Reade, 58th & 8th

Overheard by: I’m busy too

Boy on cell: I’ve never gone all the way with anyone -you know? [Pause.] … I’m just enjoying myself.

–Broadway , Near Columbia University

Overheard by: julie

Posted on May 7, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Dating, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Bronx, Time, Weirdness

The Shameless Name Dropping Of Wednesday One-Liners

Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.

–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway

Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.

–11th & Bedford

NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Maya G.

Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken

Posted on April 9, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Baristas, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Duane Reade, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, Politics, Questions, Rich people, S&M, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

We’re Unitarians Now

Little boy holding pack of Orbitz gum: Mommy, is this kosher?
Mother: Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that we aren’t Jewish?

–Duane Reade, 50th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Posted on April 7, 2008
Boys, Default, Duane Reade, Judaism, Kids, Kosher food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Questions, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

Is He Still Waiting for That Mountain to Come to Him?

Cashier #1: Ugh, I can’t stand Muhammad.
Cashier #2: I don’t mind him. He dumb.

–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th

Posted on February 24, 2008
Cashiers, Default, Duane Reade, Gripes, Stupidity

But Aren’t You Her Only Cousin?

Daughter: Yeah, didn’t she fall into a manhole?
Mom: No, that was her retarded cousin.
Daughter: That seems about right.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: Gwen

Posted on January 11, 2008
Duane Reade, Families, Rumor Has It

Of Course I Do — I’m a Stockholder

Frustrated customer: You know, I don’t even know why I come here. Every time I have to wait on line forever — something’s always broken, something’s always wrong… I should just go somewhere else!
Cashier: … Do you have a Club Card?

–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway

Posted on January 1, 2008
Cashiers, Customers, Duane Reade, Gripes

… Here, Take This Candy.

Toddler in stroller: I… Want… Ball!
Young mother: Oh, like you’ve been good and now you deserve a ball? Are you kidding me?

–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway

Posted on October 9, 2007
Duane Reade, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions

Maybe If You’d Stop Comparing My Penis to Fermented Vegetables…

Blonde: What? I can’t say ‘I want to fuck my Korean boyfriend’ out loud in here?
Embarrassed Asian guy: Please not here. Keep your voice down. We’ll talk about it when we get home.
Blonde: What’s a girl gotta do to get some kimchi around here? I’m dying. You’ve got to give up the goods more.

–Duane Reade

Posted on October 6, 2007
Couples, Duane Reade, Sex

Duane Reade