Duane Reade

Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

The Skank with Universal Appeal

Guy #1: Shit! I wanna tea-bag that skank.
Guy #2: I know!
Guy #2's girlfriend: Me too, definitely.

–Duane Reade

Barbara Walters Is Always Asking the Tough Questions.

Elderly customer: Excuse me, do you have enema bags?
Cashier #1: Enema bags?
Elderly customer: Yes, enema bags.
Cashier #1: Do we have enema bags?
Cashier #2: Animal bags?
Cashier #1: No, enema bags.
Cashier #2: Oh, enema bags?
Cashier #1: Yes. Enema bags.
Elderly customer: I'll check the pharmacy.

–Duane Reade, 19th & 7th

Overheard by: Kate

Headline by: Nick

Runners-Up:
· “And This Is How Fido Got a Clean Colon” – lucas
· “Coincidentally Enough I Am Planning to Use It on an Animal.” – robin
· “Elderly Boy Scouts Are Always Prepared” – Rose
· “Love Thy Enema” – threetimefinalist
· “No, But We Do Know the Muffin Man” – BabakganoosH
· “The Deli Was Probably a Bad Place to Start” – Brian

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

If You Say “We're Slaves to Our Impulses,” I Will Cut You

Stupid black guy: I think with Martin Luther King Day coming they should completely end slavery.
Smart black guy: Mmmm…there hasn't been slavery in the US since Lincoln.
Stupid black guy: Oh, there's still slavery.
Smart black guy: Whatever.

–Duane Reade

Eventually, Snoop Would Find His Calling As a Rapper

Manager: How could you bring a dutch to work and not think that I would write you up for it? You'd better have a doctor's note for that.
Employee: Damn nigga, what'd you think? Of course I have a doctor's note!

–Duane Reade

Avenue Q Tipped Him Over the Edge

UES middle aged lady #1: Oh hi! I haven't seen you in so long! How are you?
UES middle aged lady #2: Not so great, my husband just told me he's gay.

–Duane Reade, 1st & 72nd

Remember When Wednesday One-Liner Were Black?

South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day… my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!

–NYU

Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.

–Duane Reade, Union Square

Overheard by: Traczie

Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?

–History of American Women Class, Pace University

Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!

–66th Street Subway Platform

Overheard by: Seth

Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!

–161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx

Overheard by: li'l squeaker

Chicks with Wednesday One-Liners!

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs.

–6 Train

Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay.

–Bamboo 52

Overheard by: Aidan

Angry man: Suck my pussy dick!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass!

–Duane Reade

Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!

–L Train from Williamsburg

And If You Could Hand Over Your Wallet and Jewelry, That Would Be Awesome

Woman, after knocking over and resetting a large display: Hey, was it set up like this before?
Man behind cash register, counting cash: Oh, I don’t know, I don’t even work here.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: pete

And Alice Cooper Isn’t?

Twentysomething woman #1: When I was younger I thought eyeliner on guys was hot.
Twentysomething woman #2: Eew!
Twentysomething woman #1: No, no, when I was younger. It’s like an imaginary unicorn. You think it’s so great, but it’s not.
Twentysomething woman #2: No way, unicorns are awesome!

–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st

Overheard by: Maianess

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist