Woman, 70s: …she’s had a heart attack, her legs don’t work, and on top of all that, she’s crazy!
–St. Vincent’s Hospital elevator
Overheard by: Jay Parkinson
Woman, 70s: …she’s had a heart attack, her legs don’t work, and on top of all that, she’s crazy!
–St. Vincent’s Hospital elevator
Overheard by: Jay Parkinson
Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all “American” Apparel” so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!
–Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Crazy Person
Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a boxer!
–151st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Thin walls
Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not appropriate.
–N 6th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: j
Angry guy on cell: This guy laid a fucking warrant on me for beating up crackheads!
–168th & Fort Washington Ave
Overheard by: RR
Five-year-old girl to seven-year-old brother: I’ll punch your Adam’s apple straight down your throat!
–Graham Ave bus station
Black girl on rising escalator, to friend: If he says anything to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!
–Broadway East station
Overheard by: Subwaysurfer
Man in elevator on cell: Yeah. That's what I'm paying for, right? Next time just make sure it's a male to female.
–Elevator, Chelsea
Staten Island man to son: Okay, you have to be careful here. And don't touch any of the pretty ladies: the prettier they are, the more likely it's a man.
–1st & Houston
Middle aged woman to friend: Every morning I wake up and think I look more and more like Mrs Doubtfire.
–Union Square
Overheard by: mk
Guy in pink spandex to Victorian Gardens employee: Excuse me, where do the trannies hang out?
–Central Park
Preppy chick to friends: Did I ever tell you guys about the tranny I slept with?
–19th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Well-Dressed Indian Boy
Mom, in motherly voice, to crying four-year-old: Aww, what's the matter, did the little transvestite scare you?
–2nd & 72nd
Overheard by: Nancy
Man on cell: I have two phobias. The post office and the library. And you want me to go to the post office for you?
–University & 10th
College girl #1: What do you think is the saddest emotion or feeling?
College girl #2: I’m not sure, maybe fear.
College girl #1: Yeah, that’s a good one. Ya know, if we lived in Ethiopia you would have said hunger.
–71st between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Lizz Tooher
Girl: Yeah, I always wear black…I’m, like, scared of colors.
–Elevator, Parsons School of Design
Guy: Yo, that Hamburgler’s a scary motherfucker, ’cause you never know what that nigga be sayin’. He be all “robble robble robble robble” and shit!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Tacologic
Woman: Holy crap, you scared the hell out of me. What are you supposed to be anyway, Hercules?
Man: I’m Thor. Mighty son of Odin.
–N train
Girl #1: Is that a real fur coat?
Girl #2: Yes, oh my god and this woman started yelling at me this morning. I was like, “Please don’t throw blood on me or something. I don’t hate animals; I have a dog!”
Man: Not around your neck.
–Elevator, Broadway & Dey
Girl in crowded elevator: You're not sweating. It must not be hot.
Guy: Yeah, but my tongue is blistering. I should probably see a doctor.
–7th Ave
Woman #1: I got my grandmother the hugest card for Mother’s Day. She likes things that are really big.
Man: See, and they always told me that size doesn’t matter.
Woman #1: It really doesn’t matter what it says; she doesn’t understand English, anyway.
Woman #2: Do you think giving her the big card makes her understand it better the same way people think that talking louder to people who can’t speak English make them understand you?
–14th Street elevator
NYU Girl #1: Oh my god! I was so drunk this weekend, and now my legs are covered in bruises. They look terrible, you have no idea. I don’t even know how I got them.
NYU Girl #2: Ha, ha! I love when that happens. I love drunk bruises.
–NYU Elevator
Overheard by: Stephanie
Drunk Girl: Ha ha, I’m talking so loud. I’m making such ear pollution.
Drunk Guy: Nooo, it’s called noise pollution…
Drunk Girl: But like, what is noise pollution?
Drunk Guy: I dunno…I think it’s like when you’re vulgar, so I try not to curse all the time. That way, when I say like “oh fuck” everyone will be all like “Whoaaaaaa.”
–NYU Dorm Elevator
Overheard by: Stephanie
