Latina chick to two friends: Fucking bitch whore keeps calling me!
Friend #1: Don't answa! Don't answa!
Friend #2: She's a bitch.
Latina chick: Don't call my motha a bitch, you twat.
–14th St & Ave A
Latina chick to two friends: Fucking bitch whore keeps calling me!
Friend #1: Don't answa! Don't answa!
Friend #2: She's a bitch.
Latina chick: Don't call my motha a bitch, you twat.
–14th St & Ave A
Girl #1: I will kill all of your firstborns!
Girl #2: All of them?
–Megabus, Penn Station
Overheard by: Lisa
Chick: I like your grandma.
Guy: He’s a dude.
Chick: Oh… I like your grandpa.
–City College
Overheard by: Low Quality pictures online
Old man: Well, it’s colder out there than a mother-in-law’s kiss.
–Snack Taverna, Bedford St.
Overheard by: Aria Sloss
Guy: I love you, you know that?
Girlfriend: Fuck you. I know you fucked my sister. It's over.
Guy: But I love you!
(girl slaps him and walks away)
Guy, to barista: I probably deserved that.
Barista: Fuck you.
–Gorilla Coffee, Park Slope
Mom: Don’t lean over the tracks like that.
Five-year-old son: I’m just looking for the train.
Mom: It’s dangerous, you could fall.
Five-year-old son: Daddy’s doing it. You’re not saying it to him.
Mom: I’m your mother, and I told you to stop. Daddy can do what he wants. [Boy sulks for a few minutes.] Okay, do you want to call Grandma when we get home so she can yell at Daddy for leaning over the tracks?
Five-year-old son: Yes.
–34th St subway platform
Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up.
–4 train
Overheard by: Leora
Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that.
–Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row
Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel.
–Broadway & 104th
Little girl: Mommy, my ears hurt!
Mom: That’s your third strike! I said stop!
She hits her daughter.
Little girl: That didn’t hurt.
Mom: I will kill you right now, don’t tell me that didn’t hurt.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Zeve
Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it.
–E 19th & Park Ave South
Headline by: boyhowdy
Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson
Girl #1: Oh my gosh…identical twins..with man-chins!
Girl #2: Oh! They work at Hooter’s!
Girl #1: What? How did you know?
Girl #2: I noticed them when I went last week. They were all blonde and skinny there but those two definitely tied for most freakish.
–9th & 48th
Overheard by: Diane C.
