20-something chick: So yeah, I didn’t even care when this girl at my school died.
Friend: Whoa…
20-something chick: Well, she broke my friend’s leg!
Friend: Oh…
20-something chick: When the principal was having the moment of silence, I was like, ‘Geez, she didn’t take this long to die!’
Friend: Dude…
–Webster Hall
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Frustrated woman laying out: Actually, no, he didn't say he would call me, he said he would “ring” me.
Indignant friend: What an asshole! Like seriously, you're not British!
–Sheep Meadow
Overheard by: Henry Higgins
African American emo guy to friends: I don't know if this is derogatory or not, but I was thinking of inventing pussy in a can. For those droughts, ya know?
–Lafayette St & W 4th
Woman: Did you get off?
Friend: No! The weatherman retracted his 10 inches.
–Times Square
Chick: What’s that smell?
Guy: Either someone farted or it’s terrorism.
–42nd & Broadway
13-year-old skateboarder to friends: Suck my dick!
Friend #1: I like you, you're my friend, and I'll invite you to my birthday party, but I won't suck your dick.
Friend #2: You provoke me with your boner.
–A Train
Overheard by: devon
Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.
–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court
Overheard by: NTA
Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.
–2nd St & Ave B
Overheard by: Max Berlinger
Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Krisztina ,who uses anti-bacterial
Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]
–1 Train
Overheard by: Subway rider
Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this "living paycheck to paycheck" thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Alina
College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!
–Broome St
Overheard by: YJL
Girl to no one in particular: I want to have sexual intercourse with you.
Friend: Sexual intercourse sounds like they want to put their balls inside your vagina too.
–172 St & Jerome
Overheard by: Emm
Trashy girl (loudly): So I was suckin his cock for like 45 minutes and nothin happened, I was like, “fuck yo problem?”
Friend: Word?
Trashy girl: For real! (turns to staring suit) Excuse me, this is a private conversation!
–A Train
Asian guy: Are you going to show me a naked fat woman? Because I’m really not in the mood right now…
Hot blonde: No, just her stomach…
–Times Square
Overheard by: cat
