Girl #1: He was a narcissistic asshole, and I’m glad to be rid of him, but god I’ll miss that big dick.
Girl #2: There’s better dick in the sea, and I’m sure you’ll come upon some.
–Union Square
Overheard by: I feel you girl
Girl #1: He was a narcissistic asshole, and I’m glad to be rid of him, but god I’ll miss that big dick.
Girl #2: There’s better dick in the sea, and I’m sure you’ll come upon some.
–Union Square
Overheard by: I feel you girl
20-something #1: I'm so glad you're here.
20-something #2: You don't even know how glad I am… I'm totally going to throw up tonight.
–Bar, 17th St & 7th Ave
Eight-year-old boy, carrying real but child-size golf clubs: I have two lawyers, don’t I daddy?
Father: Yes.
Eight-year-old friend: I have three.
–18th & Broadway
Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?
–47th & Lex
Girl #1: Didn’t Tupac kill himself?
Girl #2: Ummm, definitely not. He was shot.
Girl #1: Oh. That’s unfortunate.
–Lower East Side
Chick: I am so gonna marry your friend Chris!
Guy: You can’t. He’s gay.
–Union Square
Girl: …and he was like so interesting. We talked all night long, and I was thinking I’m so gonna marry this guy–
Guy: Oh, honey. You can’t.
Girl: Why not?
Guy: I’m dating him.
–42nd & 8th
Chick #1: My brother got me a $50 gift certificate for Anthropologie.
Chick #2: Well, I got you a manicure. That must qualify as the best given by someone who didn’t come out of the same womb as you.
–Senor Swanky’s, Bleecker Street
Girl: Why do you want that?
Friend, holding Showgirls: Because Michael got our copy in the divorce.
–Virgin Megastore
Overheard by: Ben Knees
Chick #1: Jessica, I’m not kidding, he looked like a beaver!
Chick #2: Christine, that’s vulgar!
Chick #1: No, but seriously — like a chipmunk!
Chick #2: But why wouldn’t you say ‘chipmunk’ instead?
Chick #1: Because he seriously looked like a real beaver!
–77th & Madison
Female tourist to friend: Oh my god, do we really get to take the subway? Gosh, you have to take a picture of me with the subway! C'mon, take the picture!
Man, overhearing: Oh my god, let's push you down the stairs and see how much you like the subway.
–Rockafeller Center Subway
Overheard by: Kirby
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “A *Real* New Yorker Would’ve Just Pushed Her” – Thaniel
· “Give a Tourist a Pin and She’ll Remember NY for a Week, Push Her Down the Stairs, and She’ll Remember It for the Rest Of Her Life” – Prole
· “How Tourist-Tossing Got Started” – Barry
· “It Would Save Her That Stop at Planned Parenthood” – niqua
· “Throw in a Rape and Mugging and You’ll Get the Full Subway Experience” – Forensic Photographer
· “Why Is It Called “Tourist Season” If We Can´t Kill Them?” – Fresca P.
