Naive heterosexual friend: So when did you know you were gay?
Flamboyant homosexual friend: When I was sucking my daddy's dick while he was fucking my mom.
Naive heterosexual friend: Wow. Just… wow.
–SoHo
Naive heterosexual friend: So when did you know you were gay?
Flamboyant homosexual friend: When I was sucking my daddy's dick while he was fucking my mom.
Naive heterosexual friend: Wow. Just… wow.
–SoHo
Girl #1: What do you mean she fired you?
Girl #2: The bitch fired me.
Girl #1: You should write a story about her; she’s fucked up and now you can show her.
Girl #2: I’ve been writing a book about her since last Christmas.
Girl #1: Oh?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m pissed I’m going to lose material filler now.
–Times Square
Tween girl: … But I can’t go out with him! He’s my brother!
Friend #1: But he’s your step-brother, not your real brother.
Friend #2: I would.
–39th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yournamehere
Girl #1: … So, do you have a thing for him?
Girl #2: No. I mean he’s cute, but he’s overweight and doesn’t dress that well.
Girl #1: That never stops me!
–1 Train
Overheard by: p9
Punk girl: So he said he really wants to get me really drunk again.
Punk friend: Why?
Punk girl: Because he said I’m as cute as a Care Bear.
Friend: What the hell does that mean?
Girl: Um, who cares? That’s so sweet… and I didn’t even sleep with him for it. Now help me push up my tits.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Ingss
Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we’ll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except there is no 31st of June.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I’m gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That’s awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno…
Catholic schoolgirl: Let’s see…June, July, August, September, November…December? No, that’s not right…January, February, April, May…
–N train
Overheard by: Olga Kogan
Drunk guy being carried by his friends: Shhhhh…
Friend #1: You can't “shush” New York.
Drunk guy: Who's that?
Friend #2: I don't know, but he's 90 years old and smells like Robert Downey Jr.
Drunk guy: Shhhhh…
–Staten Island Ferry
Creepy drunk guy: I'm going to go to the bathroom and then I'm going to come back and hit on you some more.
Girl to friend: I fucking hope not, I think that guy has an open wound on his arm.
–W 12th
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
Woman picking out watch for Christmas list: I'll put this one on my list. Carl'll get it for me.
Friend: What are you gonna get him?
Woman: I'm taking him to the eye doctor and getting him glasses.
Friend: So he can see how pretty you are.
Woman: Actually, it's so he can see his Nazi zombies on his Xbox.
–Bloomingdale's
Overheard by: yeppers
