Girl #1: I’d totally teabag him! Wait, what’s the female equivalent of teabag?
Girls #2 & #3: Hmmm…
Queer #1: I dunno — what do you call it when someone dangles lunch meat in your face?
Queer #2: Roast beef curtains?
Girls: Ewww!
Queer #1: No, no, wait! It’s a cold cut swipe!
Everyone: Ewww!
–JFK
Overheard by: K to tha B
Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.
–Avenue C
Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.
–6th & 27th
Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.
–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand
Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.
–Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: rpk
Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.
–Astor Place
Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!
–5th Ave, near Empire State Building
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Girl: See, so what we learned tonight is that lying pays off!
Guy: I think that’s too broad of a statement.
Girl: Okay, what we learned tonight is that lying about pregnancy pays off.
Guy: I’ll give you that.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Streetwalker
20-ish girl #1: My grandmother said chewing gum is illegal in Singapore.
20-ish girl #2: No way.
20-ish girl #1: Yeah, if they catch you they cane you! In public!
20-ish girl #2: That sucks.
20-ish girl #1: My grandmother says it’s an acquired taste.
–R train
Tall brunette: I wasn’t thaaaat drunk.
Shorter blonde: You fucked your roommate!
–6th b/w 1st & A
Overheard by: laughing
Woman #1: Oh my god! I need to lose weight!
Woman #2: You do not need to lose weight. You’re married!
–Bathroom, Otto Pizza, 8th & 5th
Overheard by: Barista
Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!
–54th b/w Madison & 5th
Overheard by: Pedro
Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.
–W Train
Overheard by: Bethany
Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.
–54th & 5th
Overheard by: GP
Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.
–6 Train
Overheard by: lauren
Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.
–37th & 7th
Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.
–116th & Broadway
Teenage lesbian: Yes you are, you're the weirdest person I ever met. You think I'm going to invite other people over when we already have plans, and you masturbate even when you get no sexual enjoyment out of it!
Teenage lesbian friend: I am not a fapper!
–W 59th St & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: that must be terrible
Freshman girl to friend: It smells like ass in here.
Junior girl with purple hair: I think it smells like stinky vagina!
–Queens College Campus
Overheard by: Lindsay
Ghetto goth girl putting black eyeliner on lips: Do you know what he said?
Friend in stall: What?
Ghetto goth girl: He said I was aggressive. I can’t help if I’m aggressive ’cause I’m half-vampire, half-werewolf.
–Pyramid club, Ave A, between 6th & 7th St
Overheard by: not a goth
