Chick: Please turn gay and let me be your fag hag!
Dude: No…
Chick: But my potential as a fag hag is being completely wasted! I have such great potential, too! Think about it — I am neurotic…
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hametuka
Chick #1: Man, I wish Colin would stop saying he loves me.
Chick #2: Why, you don’t love him?
Chick #1: I care about him, but I don’t love him. I only love one person.
Chick #2: Who? God?
Chick #1: No — me.
–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Haley
Weird-looking teen: It's Turkish turnip time again!
Friend: Word.
–79th & 3rd
Overheard by: wallflowerblonde
Young black teen: Is that a North Face jacket you're wearing?
White guy: Yes, it is.
Other young black teen: Do you use it to go skiing?
White guy: Uh, yes.
Young black teen to friend: See! I told you white people use North Face jackets to go skiing!
–F Train
Guy #1: So I was talkin’ to him ’bout his sister–
Guy #2: Yo man, that chick is so fine.
Guy #1: Man, I know what you mean. But she naive, you know? She don’t know how fine she is.
Guy #2: Yeah. Naive.
Guy #1: But then she had the nerve to touch his boxes. What chick touches a guy’s boxes? She got an ugly soul.
–E train
Overheard by: Suzie
Teenage girl, running up to two friends from behind: Molly! And Kaya!
Molly or Kaya: Oh, Bren! Are you coming to Starbucks?
Bren: No, I have to go get that cancer vaccination! Right now!
–Prince & Spring
Guy: ‘Cause when a girl’s got way too many diaphragms…
Chick: Yeah.
Guy: That’s the sign that I missed.
–93rd & Broadway
Fanboy #1: Man, I hope we have time to get drinks at the bar. And a smoke, I could use a smoke.
Fanboy #2: This is crazy. A line for the men’s room — I can’t believe all the urinals are taken. Man, I gotta piss. Say, do you want to share one?
Fanboy #1, horrified: A urinal?!
Fanboy #2, quickly: No! A drink!
–New World Stages
Teen guy #1: Yo, I was Christmas shopping with Julia and her other friend at Sephora, and they got the weirdest fuckin’ gift for Anne.
Teen girl: What was it?
Teen guy #1: Well, we walked into the store, and Julia asked if they sold this cream that you put on your ass that takes away, like, stretch marks and pimples on your ass and shit. It was fuckin’ nasty. They got her ass cream.
Teen guy #2: That’s fuckin’ weird, yo. It’s like, ‘Oh, Anne, I was thinking of getting you this really nice sweater for Christmas–‘ ‘–Forget the sweater! All I want is some Grade A ass cream!’
–Movie theater, Battery Park
