Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?
–Elevator, 101st & Broadway
Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?
–Elevator, 101st & Broadway
Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skinny blonde: Take a train as far north as possible.
Asian male passerby: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New Yorkers always lie?!
Skinny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Everyone there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skinny blonde: We’re all psychic, too.
–42nd & 8th
Harried groom, shouting: Is there anyone here who has a valid ID who can be a witness for my wedding ceremony?!
Guy on line: Sure, I’ll do it. [Turns to woman at the window.] Wait, can I be a witness for this guy and still be a witness for them back there?
Woman at window: Um, no.
Harried groom: Is there anyone here who has a valid ID who isn’t already a witness who can be a witness for my wedding ceremony?!
–Marriage license office, County Clerk, Brooklyn
Overheard by: fiancee of the guy who ended up witnessing
Blonde #1: Look how big that dog is!
Blonde #2: Oh my god, that dog’s as big as my body!
–ESPN store
Guy: Do we have to get it spayed? I mean, male cats spray — what do females do?
Girl: They whine and howl and bleed all over the place.
Guy: So they do just what you do?
Girl: Basically, yeah.
–Columbia University
Girl: What about that cab?
Guy: We can’t get that one. It’s going to Penn Central.
–14th & University
Overheard by: Logan
Girl #1: Why does she seem so nasty and stressed all the time?
Girl #2: Well, I think it’s because she’s a lesbian by default.
Girl #1: A what?
Girl #2: A lesbian by default. She’s such a bitch that guys don’t want anything to do with her.
–Manhattan Lounge
Overheard by: fpod
Chick: Um, Mo, I never thought I’d ask you this, but… does this shirt make me look like a lesbian?
Lesbian, laughing: Oh my God, no! Just make sure nobody thinks we’re together…
–192nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Curly girl
Teen girl #1: I really want some sa’mores. We should totally make sa’mores.
Teen girl #2: Sa’mores? It’s ‘s’mores,’ not ‘sa’mores’! Sa’mores! Sa’mores… Yeah… Sa’moron!
–81st & 3rd
Overheard by: i love smores
Girl: I’m afraid of water.
Dude #1: I don’t get that. I mean, aren’t we all like 70 percent water or something? Or wait, is that only some people?
Dude #2: She’s talking about being afraid of the ocean, not drinking water.
Dude #1: Ohhh.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: standing in front of them, unfortunately
