Slutty girl: My high school history teacher ate my pussy. Then the science teacher. He ate my pussy. Then in college my freshman philosophy professor and my junior year economics professor, they ate my pussy.
Practical girl: You need to put out a Zagat guide to your twat.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: PDJ
Teenage half-virgin boy: Did you know the official definition of an orgy is three people sitting in a room with their socks off?
Teenage one-quarter-virgin girl: No way! Then we have orgies all the time!
–SoHo
Overheard by: disgusted old lady.
Guy: He was like, “My girlfriend gained all this weight, and that’s why I left her,” and all of the girls were like, “Gasp! You monster!” And then he was like, “But it was, like, 95 pounds!” and all of the girls were like, “Gasp! Eww! Gross!”
–Party, 16th & 1st
Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!
–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx
Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.
–Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chicago Guy
Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?
–14th & 8th
Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.
–Au Bon Pain, 8th St
Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea
Girl #1: James told me that Sara and Greg just got a dog together!
Girl #2: Oh my gawd, they’ve only been together for, like, two months!
Girl #1: I know! James asked me if I wanted to get a dog with him and I was like, “Hello, I’m not even ready to have an abortion with you yet, let alone get a dog!”
–Serafina restaurant
Overheard by: Appalled
Girl #1: I noticed his abs.
Girl #2: I noticed his ripped shirt.
Girl #3: Wait, so neither of you noticed his huge erection?
–F train
Overheard by: Michelle
Girl #1: That falafel was super good! What’s it made out of?
Girl #2: Chickpeas.
Girl #1: Oh. You mean, like, from chickens?
–East Village
Overheard by: S.
Girl #1: My mother is friends with tons of socialites.
Girl #2: Well my father fucked Madonna.
Girl #1: You win.
–6th & Bedford
Girl: Enjoy your party! Everyone here loves you!
Birthday boy: Ehh.
Girl: Everyone here loves alcohol!
Birthday boy: Better.
–Revival Bar, 15th & Irving
