Newspaper guy: Only in the Post! Pictures of Pataki crying like a pussy!
–34th & 7th
Newspaper guy: Only in the Post! Pictures of Pataki crying like a pussy!
–34th & 7th
Guy: Wait. You lived 20 minutes from the Amish all the time…like they were there all the time?
Girl: Yeah. What do you mean?
Guy: I dunno. I thought they were out following the buffalo or something.
–Washington Square Diner, W. 4th Street
Guy: Original flavored yogurt tastes terrible.
Girl #1: You should have seen the faces he was making.
Girl #2: Why? Does it taste like semen?
Guy: I wouldn’t know, would you?
Girl #2: I don’t know; I’ve never tasted plain yogurt before!
–Chelsea Market, 9th Avenue
Dude #1: Fuckin’ Nate, man…
Dude #2: Yeah, fuckin’ Nate.
Dude #1: I mean, the time he beat up that bird is just like the time he bludgeoned that snake.
Dude #2: To be fair, if you were drunk on tequila at your 40th birthday party, you’d beat up a bird too.
Dude #1: Yeah, I guess so.
–Columbia University Psych Lab
Dude #1: How many pricks?
Dude #2: 15.
Dude #1: Nah…5? 4?
Dude #2: 5.
Dude #1: Okay, we’re agreed. 5 pricks on the train. Later, bro.
–6 train
Overheard by: T-Dub
Old woman: You know I love them Jews.
Guy: How do you know I’m a Jew?
Old woman: You took the seat like a Jew.
Guy: How does a Jew take a seat?
–1 train
Overheard by: Max Ravyn
Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.
–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street
Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.
–C train
Overheard by: nicolette
Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Zar
Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.
–Red Hook
Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.
–52 & Lexington
Fat guy #1: So I go in and he’s like, “This definitely isn’t a fun job or anything. It’s not an exciting job. This isn’t one of those jobs where you going to be happy about coming into the office in the morning. This job isn’t, you know, you’re not going to learn anything at this job. But you’ll make a lot of money.”
Fat guy #2: Cool.
Fat guy #1: Yeah, so I can sell my soul, y’know? I’m like, “I’ll sell crack to kids if I could make a lot of money.”
–E train
Girl: You staring at me?
Guy: Yeah, but only ’cause you look so fine.
Girl: True. But you can stop checking me out now. These aren’t public titties, they’re private titties. For select audiences only, and you’re not a member.
–A train
Guy #1: He was fucking me up and it wasn’t easy.
Guy #2: Yeah, I bet it was hard.
–51st & 8th
Overheard by: Weill
