Teen girl #1: I’m sorry, I’m just paranoid about getting home on time.
Teen girl #2: Pshaw. At least I’m paranoid about good things. I only make myself cry and throw up over boys.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Teen girl #1: I’m sorry, I’m just paranoid about getting home on time.
Teen girl #2: Pshaw. At least I’m paranoid about good things. I only make myself cry and throw up over boys.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Father, to son washing hands after peeing: Come on, son. Don’t waste water.
–Universal Artists Theater, Staten Island
Overheard by: David
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.
–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St
Woman on cell: They just did an autopsy on my mother…What?…Yeah…Autopsy…No, she didn’t fuckin’ die, you asshole. An autopsy! Yeah! On my mother! It’s benign…Okay, listen, man, next time I’m watching CSI, you need to shut the fuck up and watch with me. You can learn shit on there!
–Elevator, Columbia Medical Center
Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.
–74th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Rachel
3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!
–89th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.
–Kmart, Astor Place
Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.
–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Rebecca
Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!
— 72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: emily
Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.
–1st Ave between 12th & 13th
Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!
–1 train
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
JAP: Ew! I think the turkey in this salad is ham.
–30th & 7th
Overheard by: AJ Stone
Sparkling conversationalist: I couldn’t eat for a while. It destroyed my appetite, and it totally killed the tapeworm. So tonight I can eat a good amount, but not a tapeworm amount.
–Lafayette between 4th & Astor
Overheard by: uncle frank
Girl: I hate eating fish, except when my grandma makes it. She makes it taste like beef.
–Central Park
Girlfriend to boyfriend: It wasn’t just the egg roll, Jerry; it was all of last week.
–Washington Square
Discerning sniffer: It smells good in here…like Spam.
–Medical office, Canal & Bowery
Thug: Yo, do I still got mad hummus on my lip?
–F station, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: cara
Woman to little girl: You stick that in your mouth now before I shove it down your throat! I bought that ice cream, now stick it!
–11th & 1st
Overheard by: Jamieson
Girlfriend: She fell off her bike and broke all her teeth, so now she has fake ones.
Boyfriend: Well, couldn’t she get white ones? I mean, were they not giving out human teeth that day?
Girlfriend, getting up and hugging him: That’s why I love you.
–Cafe Gitane, Mott & Prince
Overheard by: tea sipper
Brooklyn queer #1: It’s like that time I had mono and sat on my stoop for three days, whittling wood.
Brooklyn queer #2: I swear to God, if you tell that story one more time I’m going to shoot myself.
–6th St & 5th Ave, Park Slope
Dental hygienist: What is your dissertation going to be on?
Grad student: The cultural barriers to health care for Mexican-born migrant farm workers.
Dental hygienist: How about the cultural barriers to health care for German-American dental hygienists with $2,500 deductables, instead?
–Hunter College
