Guy: I’m gonna go take a shower.
Girl #1: Yeah, I want to take a shower, too.
Girl #2: Oooh! Me, too!
Girl #1: Let’s take a joint shower!
–2 train
Overheard by: already showered
Guy: I’m gonna go take a shower.
Girl #1: Yeah, I want to take a shower, too.
Girl #2: Oooh! Me, too!
Girl #1: Let’s take a joint shower!
–2 train
Overheard by: already showered
Gigantic suit, urinating outside: Excuse me, ladies. I apologize for that.
Ladies: It’s OK.
Gigantic suit: There’s a big black cock on the loose.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: becca
Girl #1: You look really smart today.
Girl #2, with hand tucked in armpit: I look really smart? Why, because I’m putting corn starch on my wet parts?
–33rd & 3rd
Woman: Oh, he looked so old and sick in that movie. Really horrible.
Man: You know he died, right?
Woman: Oh, they must have made the movie before that.
–NJ Transit train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: confabulation nation
Girl: I can’t go to the bathroom, I can’t eat grapes, I… I’ll be in a bubble!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Hipster girl, emerging from Port-a-Potty: Hey, guys, you have to feel this toilet paper! It’s like silk!… I know, I’m a weirdo.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Roz
Suit: I swear to God, it came out sideways. It hurt coming out, then I got up and looked at it, and it was floating sideways.
–Manhattan bound J train
Overheard by: Barry P.
Voice from bathroom stall: Yes!
–Women’s bathroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: acep
Girl, to friend washing her hands: Come on, let’s just go. There are more germs on the sink than on the toilet.
–Restroom, Grand Central Station
Woman, walking out of stall: Left you something!
–Restroom, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Guy: When I clenched my jaw really hard while I was trying to poop, I think I chipped a tooth.
–14th & 3rd
Teen girl #1: I’m sorry, I’m just paranoid about getting home on time.
Teen girl #2: Pshaw. At least I’m paranoid about good things. I only make myself cry and throw up over boys.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Father, to son washing hands after peeing: Come on, son. Don’t waste water.
–Universal Artists Theater, Staten Island
Overheard by: David
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.
–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St
Woman on cell: They just did an autopsy on my mother…What?…Yeah…Autopsy…No, she didn’t fuckin’ die, you asshole. An autopsy! Yeah! On my mother! It’s benign…Okay, listen, man, next time I’m watching CSI, you need to shut the fuck up and watch with me. You can learn shit on there!
–Elevator, Columbia Medical Center
