Stand-up comedy promoter: That’s right folks! I’m not scary.
Teen girl: Riiight.
Stand-up comedy promoter, screaming after her: I don’t bite! I don’t have rabies! I took medication, and they said I’d be okay!
–Outside MTV store
Stand-up comedy promoter: That’s right folks! I’m not scary.
Teen girl: Riiight.
Stand-up comedy promoter, screaming after her: I don’t bite! I don’t have rabies! I took medication, and they said I’d be okay!
–Outside MTV store
Salesgirl: Hey. Wow, you look really bad!
Salesguy: Gee, thanks.
Salesgirl: It’s just that your eyes are all bloodshot. And your skin is kind of grey.
Salesguy: Oh, that.
–American Apparel, Broadway
Teen boy #1: Would you do Jane?
Teen boy #2: Well, she’s pretty hot… Got nice tits and all, but don’t you consider diabetes a turn-off?
Teen boy #1: Yeah, dude, totally.
–Metro-North, 125th St stop
Overheard by: Ek CrIsp
Ana #1: Yeah, I felt so good because all I ate for a month was lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup.
Ana #2: Oh, really? But I’m afraid of being on a diet without protein!
Ana #1: Don’t worry, the maple syrup is full of protein!
–Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Girl #1: What do you think of this dress?
Girl #2: It’s cute! But, oh my god, what is that weird bulge?
Girl #1: Ew! This sucks, my hernia totally got bigger!
Girl #3 yelling from another stall: Did you just say your hernia got bigger?!
Girl #1: Shhh! I’m so embarrassed!
Girl #2: Don’t worry, it’s just Forever 21.
–Dressing room, Forever 21, Union Square
Overheard by: Gillian
Lady at register: My great-grandmother had nine strokes and still lived to be 98 years old.
Barista: Wow, nine strokes?!
Lady at register: Yeah, I think she was doing it on purpose. You know, to get attention.
–Starbucks, Broadway
Bimbette: So, my doctor asked if I wanted the cervical cancer vaccine, and I was like, ‘Wouldn’t that imply you would give me cervical cancer first?’
–Outside the Silver Center, NYU campus
Biotech: He’s the type of person who would have epilepsy.
–John St
Overheard by: Jay
Girl on cell: You don’t understand how sick I am. I feel like my nose is on strike or something! What do you mean, ‘take Advil’? I don’t have back pain, fool, I’m dying!
–40th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Brandon
Guy running: Coming through! Bird flu! I got bird flu, coming through!
–Times Square
Thug on cell: Yeah, I’m still in the hospital. I be gettin’ all stabilized ‘n’ shit.
–Key Food, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Yeah! I’m totally in! I’ve been planning to do this for months now. What time is it that I gotta be there? Oh… Well… Yeah, I’m gonna still come… but wow. I know that breast cancer knows no time, but wow!
–Starbucks, 15th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Brandon
Mr. Discretion, in crowded elevator: So, how’s that rash?
–Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital
Woman on cell: Wait, but he still has malaria, right?…Good. Go on.
–Grove & 7th
Overheard by: courtney clinton
Frat boy: Wow! Herpes for a dollar; that sounds like a good deal!
–108th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alison R.
Amateur historian: You know what was bad? Black Plague was bad.
–Toast, Lafayette St
Overheard by: Chris
Faux-Boho gal: And he said, “I don’t understand how I have STDs and you don’t.”
–N train
Overheard by: Kelly Green
Gay waiter: I’ll have to sterilize it and then burn it or it might give the fire an infection.
–SoHo
MTA employee: So I had a touch of pneumonia, and they had to remove part of my lung. I was coughing up Jello…But it was clear, so it was okay!
–Q train, Newkirk Ave
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Hobette: Excuse me, ladies and gentleman, I’m hungry and I’m homeless. If you could please spare some money or some food, I’d appreciate it. Oh, and I have cancer. Have a nice day.
–Downtown R train
Overheard by: Kat
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
