Wednesday One-Liners Have Fallen Upon Hard Times

Hobo: Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? I love you.

–Broadway & 9th St

Hobo to everyone on train: Stand clear the closing doors, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch the gap between the train and the platform. Walk over it, not in it. Your safety is my number one priority because: without you, I don't eat.

–4 Train

Crazy hobo to man: I don't want your change. I want that! (points to man's crotch)

–F Train

Hobo: Can you spare me 600,000 dollars?

–Broadway & 97th St

Overheard by: Martijn H

Drunk hobo to restaurant owner: Oh, man, I've missed you! You haven't cursed me out in forever!

–Restaurant, Ave A & 7th St

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on December 2, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bosses, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Passengers, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

So Fuck You

Drunk Southern chick: And I knew that when he said “fuck you” it was over… You'd never say that to me, would you?
Sober Southern guy: (stares blankly)
Drunk Southern chick: Yeah, I know you would.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: I Agree With Him

Posted on November 30, 2009
Breaking Up, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Lower East Side, Questions, Southerners, Words

That's Some Holly Golightly Ass Shit, Son.

Black guy #1, noticing a girl in oversized sunglasses: Damn! Look at this vintage-ass bitch!
Black guy #2: Even when I go downtown them shits ain't that big.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: so true… so true

Posted on November 28, 2009
Ass, Black People, Fashion, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance

My Favorite Way to Get to Know a Woman

Latino girlfriend: You don't even know me.
Latino boyfriend: Bitches got lots to say until the guns come out.

–Prince & Mulberry

Posted on November 26, 2009
Couples, Insults, Latinos, Soho, Stupidity, Weapons

You Know That Was the Anniversary Of Our Third Open-Mouthed Kiss.

Guy, as scoreboard shows highlight of Derek Jeter diving into the crowd: Do you remember what day that was?
Girl: What day was that?
Guy: Why are you being a bitch?

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Anthony

Posted on November 24, 2009
Girls, Guys, Insults, Nostalgia, Time, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

I'll Put a Note in the “Comments” Box– That'll Show 'Em Who's Boss!

Guy unloading semi #1: Man, this shit sucks!
Guy unloading semi #2: Yeah.
Guy unloading semi #1: Fuck this guy! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna complain!
Guy unloading semi #2: Yeah.

–38th & 8th

Overheard by: Ari

Posted on November 23, 2009
Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Threats

You're Not Exactly Sidney Poitier Yourself, Smart Guy.

Drunk girl on cell, passing Hugh Grant: Yeah, I know, right? Oh, wait, there's Hugh Grant.
(Hugh Grant turns around)
Drunk girl to Hugh Grant: Wow, you're a shitty actor!
Brad Garrett, pointing and laughing at Hugh Grant: Hahahahahaha!

–72nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on November 23, 2009
A-List, About Celebrities, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Laughter, On Cell, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Try Talking With No Lungs, If You're So Smart

Woman #1: So, she had half her lung removed.
Woman #2: Does she talk funny now?
Woman #1, confused: Why would she talk funny?
Woman #2: Don't you breathe through your lungs?
Woman #1: You are a moron.

–34th & 7th

Posted on November 22, 2009
Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Insults, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Surgery, Women

A Pantless, Anthropomorphized Pig: The Universal Language

Old, foreign Asian, looking through comic book collection: Want a Looney Tunes with Porky Pig on the cover!
Vendor, turning to stranger: Porky fucking Pig, man!

–Flea Market, 23rd St

Posted on November 21, 2009
Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Foreigners, Insults, Old People, Pop Culture, Store, Strangers, Vendors & Street Performers, Wishes & desires

Who Says You Can't Win an Argument?

Girl #1: Stop pushing!
Girl #2: You stop pushing!
Girl #1: Stop pushing or I'm gonna punch your fat teeth into your fat face!

–F Train

Overheard by: goodstuff

Posted on November 19, 2009
Diet/Weight, Girls, Insults, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Punch, Threats

Insults