Wednesday One-Liners Have Seen That Seinfeld Episode Too Many Times

Tourist chick: He’s not gay, he’s just neurotic!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Girl: He’s not gay, he just has a lot of feelings!

–Grand Central

Hipster on cell: Yo, I want to tell you something. I do not want to go down on everyone… Well, I’m not gay, so that cuts it in half right there.

–17th & 8th

Suit to himself: Thanks, but I’m not gay!

–45th & 6th

Overheard by: Alisa

Little boy sitting with haggard-looking mom singing to the tune of Pinky and the Brain song: My penis, my penis is not gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!

–1 train

Overheard by: wondering what network plays reruns of Pinky and the Brain

Posted on December 29, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hipsters, Kids, On Cell, Sexuality, Suits, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners

From Now on We’ll Enter Suspended Animation When You Leave the House

Little girl (sad and upset): You guys always go to my favorite restaurants when I’m not there… like Pizzeria Uno.
Mom (annoyed): Just because you’re not there doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

–Mercer & 3rd

Overheard by: Sizzle

Posted on December 28, 2014
Default, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Moms, The Village

…Okay, Okay, the Principal's Desk.

Cute little girl: Dad, guess what I made in school today!
Dad: What's that?
Cute little girl, opening arms wide: A giant poop!
Dad: Okay, honey…
Cute little girl: In the toilet!

–F Train

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on December 27, 2014
Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Poop, School and studying

No, Just Marrying Them

Girl to younger sister: Well, “taboo” is something that society does not accept.
Little girl: Do you mean like Puerto Ricans?

–2 Train

Posted on December 26, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Sisters, Words

But at Least You’ve Stopped with the Slapping

Mother to child: Shut up!
Child: Don’t you dare use that language with me! You’re so disrespectful!

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Nora

Posted on December 24, 2014
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Upper East Side, Words

And, the Way You Go Through Rabbits, That's a Big Threat

Six-year-old girl to dog (repeatedly): High-five! High-five! High-five!
(dog dodges her and owner ignores her)
Girl's grandmother, excitedly: I just know, in my heart of hearts, she's going to be a veterinarian when she grows up. She just loves animals so much! Even our little rabbits she carries around…I just know she's going to be a veterinarian!
(dog's owner goes to counter to check out)
Grandmother: Okay, honey, it's time to let the man check out. Let's go.
Girl, leaving dog: High-five! High-five! High-five! (passes gum ball machine) Oooh, gum ball! (begins putting money in)
Grandmother: If you put money in there, I'll never get you anything ever again.

–Blockbuster, Flatbush & 8th Ave

Overheard by: smoon

Posted on December 23, 2014
Animals & Nature, Families, Family Ties, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, Store

I’ve Seen that Thing Suck Down Entire Cows

Little girl: I’m hungrier than Mom’s big, fat vagina!
Dad: Well, you must be hungry then.

–MoMA

Posted on December 23, 2014
Dads, Kids, Museums, Vagina

Did Wednesday Crawl Up Your One-Liner and Die?

Man on phone: So you know that guy whose mouth I farted in? He was totally at the bar last night.

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: not that guy

Hobo to his dog: Was that you who farted or me? Because I think it was you.

–67th & Amsterdam

NYU kid on cell: No, no, dude! You're not hearing me! I'm telling you that we were playing the game "I never" and the question was "I've never farted in an elevator" …yeah! I know! But here's the thing, dude! She claimed she'd never farted! (laughs) Nooo, dude! You heard me right: Never ever. And I gotta tell you, bro: it's creepin' me out!

–La Guardia b/w Bleecker & Houston

Overheard by: Elevator Bomb Dropper

Jealous guy: I hope her boyfriend farts in her face and she gets pink eye.

–L Train

Woman on cell: Now, honey, tell the truth. Did you fart on Santa's lap?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on December 20, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Hobos, Kids, Men, On Cell, Questions, Relationships, Students, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Has the Westboro Baptist Church Heard This News?

Mother of 8-year-old: I don't mind that my son is so into zombies, Jesus was a zombie technically. After all, it's a healthy way for him to find our religion.
Mother of 10-year-old: I never thought about it that way. (to son) Joseph, do you like zombies?

–1 Train

Overheard by: sarah-Jaana Nodell