Give Me Credit for Waiting to Make a Move

Hobo: Hey, c'mon now, we know each other what, ten years? Ten years, we be saying “hi” to each other. No need to act like that.
Professional-looking lady: You put your hand on my ass!
Hobo: Oh, that didn't mean nothing. C'mon, we be friends. Ever day we say “hi” and smile and talk while we walk and now you gettin' all riled on me.
Professional lady: You put your grimy, damn hand on my ass.
Hobo: Oh, that was just a friendly little touch. C'mon, now, we friends. We know each other too long to let somethin' like this cause problems. Ten years. What's your name again?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

Posted on February 21, 2015
Ass, Body Parts, Friendship, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Strangers

I Will Now Cast about for Other Reasons to Dislike Him

Hipster: It’s so retarded he would name himself Sean Lennon.
Random dude in track suit: Um, it’s his son.
Hipster: Oh.

–Outside Ryan Adams concert, Town Hall, 43rd & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Not A Hipster

Posted on February 20, 2015
Hipsters, Idiots, Names

You Know, Entertainment is Also Available in Book Form

White woman: Do you have a middle name?
Black guy: James. James Bond.
White woman: What?
Black guy: James Bond.
White woman: You’re fired!

–Broadway & Cortlandt

Overheard by: Stephie Russell

Posted on February 17, 2015
Black People, Movies, Names, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Wow, That’s So Vapid!

Bimbo: I’d put on a sweater and baggy pants, and everyone would be like, “Wow, that’s so Margello!”

–Ave A & 3rd St.

Posted on February 11, 2015
Bimbettes, Clothing, Idiots, Names, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners Drop Names

Chick: Amerigo Vespucci was a cartographer, you whore!

–14th & B

Overheard by: Djlindee

Man on cell: She has a Waldorfian obsession with keeping children warm. I mean, kids are raised in Norway and Iceland all the time and have nice rosy cheeks.

–Washington Mutual kiosk, Canal Street

Black kid: …yeah, I like Black Rob, but he be using big words…like society.

–1 train

Chick: Everyone thinks Mary’s such a goody-goody…but she won second place in the deep throat contest.

–Washington & Gansevoort

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Names, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

After the Fistfight, an Ethnic Mismatch Comedy Started Production

Black receptionist: Carlos De Jesus George? Are you here?
Latino receptionist: It’s not pronounced ‘De Je-zus George,’ but ‘De He-sus Hor-he.’
Black receptionist: Excuse me? What are you saying? This clearly says ‘Carlos De Jesus George.
Latino receptionist: No mother would name their son Jesus. And besides, that’s not the correct pronunciation in Spanish.
Black receptionist: What? Oh, girl, you know I don’t speak those words.

–Doctor’s office, 15th & 1st

Posted on February 8, 2015
Black People, Default, Family Ties, Language Barrier, Latinos, Names, Office, Questions, Stuyvesant Town, Women, Words

Art for Wednesday One-Liner’s Sake

Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art dealer, but I’m like, the least bourgeois person I know.

–Smith & Mills (restaurant in Tribeca)

Overheard by: the lerpa

Little boy to friends: There are are four really big, important artists: Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pistachio.

–Impressionism Room, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: I love Pistachio’s green period

Young girl: These paintings smell nice and fresh!

–The Met

Angry white suburban artist to Jews for Jesus: Stop talking! You are pushing this on me without me asking -that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here -we are all white suburban artists.

–Morgan L Stop on Bogart

Overheard by: not a hipster

Gangsta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Picasso or some shit?

–The Met

Posted on February 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Artists, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Names, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Met, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

As Is Required by US Law

Mother: I'm so glad you want to learn about voting!
Five-year-old girl, to employee: Where are your books about Joe Biden?
(ten minutes later)
Five-year-old girl, screaming at the magazine rack: I want the magazine with the lady from TV on it!
Mother: Use your indoor voice. You know what her name is.
Five-year-old girl: But…I love Oprah.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

Posted on February 3, 2015
Books & Writing, Dads, Kids, Names, Politics, Should've Used a Condom, Store, TV, Upper East Side

Manhattan: “Aww, Snaaap!”

Confused tourist: Excuse me, can you help us? We're trying to get to New York.
New Yorker: You are in New York.
Confused tourist: I'm sorry, I meant New York City.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Outraged Brooklynite