Wednesday One-Liners: The Final Frontier

Crazy man dressed like a King: Everyone, I just bought the sun! So if you don't mind, I'd like a hundred dollars an hour if you're using my sunlight.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

MTA track worker to another: Why does everybody wanna die tonight, Eric? Is there a full moon or something?

–49th St Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man talking to himself on imaginary cellphone: There will never be peace until the planet explodes. Then there will be peace. (pause) Yes, I took my medication today.

–R Train

Overheard by: Matt Giella

Guy in line for a play: I don't take my sunglasses off because the sun never sets on a badass

–41st & 7th

Overheard by: clara

Teen thug to another: He said he likes sunsets. Who says he likes sunsets?

–Macon & Marcy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Co-ed: And Galileo's like, "Saturn has rings!" And Kepler's like, "Oh my god, really?" And Galileo's like, "Ya, really!"

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on March 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Teens, Thugs, Weirdness, Words

Like, Where's the Ten Hookers-a-leaping I Asked for Last Year?

Guy dressed as Santa: Hey, man, got a cigarette?
Random guy: Fuck no, I got a beef with you, Santa!

–Bar, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Keavy (loves Santa)

Posted on March 8, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Guys, Insults, Offers and requests, Smoking, Strangers, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Find Their Niche

Ten-year-old wannabe thug: I'ma put this can of pepper spray up your ass! You want me to put this up your ass?!

–Old Navy, Harlem

Worried bearded 50-something: Yeah, but how are we going to film an anal birth!?

–F Train

Street vendor selling his wares: I will shove your foot up the devil's ass!

–St Mark's Place

Yankee stadium employee yelling to another: Hey, wouldja bend over for a minute? I'll be right back!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: torrie

Gay teen: His hole was as big as a traffic cone!

–1st & 14th

Sinfully ugly girl: I have to stop putting things in my ass.

–forever 21 (queens center mall)

Overheard by: defragment my harddrive

Posted on March 5, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Boys, Coworkers, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Innuendo, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Words, Yankee Stadium

Should We Just Resolve This in Some Green Jello?

Chick #1: Give me your hand!
Chick #2: Give me your nipple!
Chick #1: Give me your hand!
Chick #2: Give me your nipple!

–Mott & Spring

Overheard by: Wondering what she wants the nipple for…

Posted on March 4, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Nipples, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Yeah, Sure, Whatever. It’s My Turn to Bring Them to Work

Customer: I’ll take four glazed, and you pick the others.
Donut guy: So, fill up the rest with stale ones?

–Dunkin Donuts, Chambers & Church

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on February 27, 2015
Comebacks, Customers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Vendors & Street Performers

This Way, She’ll Be Trained for Her Future Husband

Mother, to four-year-old boy who has just slapped a little girl: Why did you do that?! Give me a reason right now. I demand a reason, now!
Four-year-old boy: I have to control her.

–East Broadway

Posted on February 25, 2015
Boys, Chinatown, Default, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Punch, Questions, Weirdness, Words

How the Citibank Takeover Actually Works: Explained

Hobo to four pretty girls: Hi ladies, how're you doing today?
Girls: Good, thanks, how are you?
Hobo: Just so you know, when I win my 171 million, I'm taking you all on vacation!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Posted on February 25, 2015
Columbia University, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Travel, Weirdness

Or Else I’m in Peril of Being Uncool

Teenage girl, running up to two friends from behind: Molly! And Kaya!
Molly or Kaya: Oh, Bren! Are you coming to Starbucks?
Bren: No, I have to go get that cancer vaccination! Right now!

–Prince & Spring

Posted on February 23, 2015
Cancer, Default, Friends, Girls, Offers and requests, Soho, Teens

Technically, It's Not a “Club” So Much As P.S. 182

Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: las

Posted on February 23, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Sexuality, Straight Trippin'

Sadly, That’s the Best Offer I’ve Had All Year

Fanboy #1: Man, I hope we have time to get drinks at the bar. And a smoke, I could use a smoke.
Fanboy #2: This is crazy. A line for the men’s room — I can’t believe all the urinals are taken. Man, I gotta piss. Say, do you want to share one?
Fanboy #1, horrified: A urinal?!
Fanboy #2, quickly: No! A drink!

–New World Stages

Posted on February 21, 2015
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinks, Friends, Offers and requests, Pee, Smoking, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Theater, Wishes & desires

Offers and requests