Offers and requests

Teenager: Dude, my sister is always stealing her friends’ books, but like, sometimes no one has the book she wants, how much easier would it be if there was like, a Blockbuster, but for books.

–Blockbuster

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Did you bring something to read on the train? I’m trying to decide if I want to talk to you, sleep, or read my book.

–A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Teenage girl: I need Romeo and Juliet. But do you have any with, like, the English on one side and Shakespeare on the other?

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Spoiled colleg girl to friend: My mom really wants me to get a nice big tote because she’s really worried about how I’m going to carry all my books. But I’m, like, worried if I’m even going to read my books.

–Outside Bloomingdale’s Dressing Room

Chick: So they called him up on stage, and they were like: "We want to bestow this honor upon you." And he was like: "It is indeed an honor, an honor indeed." And I’m all like: "Come on, like, I mean, seriously, like, who talks like that? Can’t you take it down a notch! Don’t you read US Weekly or anything?

–Starbucks, Woolworth Building

NYU girl to male friend: There’s almost something poetic about it, you know? Like, the 20-year-old Catholic virgin from Connecticut losing it to the older Ecuadorian lothario? Hell, I should just write a book about my life.

–NYU Dining Hall

Lady: Oh my god! Can you stop pushing?! That is so rude!
Hipster who pushed onto train: Get used to it. I’ll be doing this all week.

–6 train

Overheard by: used to it

Sleazy woman: You can stay over my place, and I'll blow ya and stuff, but would ya mind if we didn't screw? I'm still gettin' over a pregnancy.
Sleazier man: Well, it's not like contagious or anything…

–Night Club, Midtown

Man selling candy #1 to very pretty but overweight girl: Hey miss, you wanna buy a candy bar?
Pretty but overweight girl: Do I look like I need any more candy?!
Man selling candy #2: You look good to me!

–Outside JC Penny

Random guy in car to four people trying to hail a cab: Hey, where are you going? I'll give you a lift.
Woman: Uh, no thanks.
Random guy: Really, anywhere you want to go, no problem.
Woman: We're fine. Thanks.
Random guy: Go fuck yourself! (zooms off)

–40th & Lexington

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Old lady walking with tiny dog, arm extended: Taxi! Taxi! Goddamn it! Taxi! We have to get out of here now! Taxi!
Nearby doorman: I'll hail you a cab, ma'am.
Old lady: You shut your dirty mouth!

–64th & York

Overheard by: Nora

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

Queer to friend: Never again! If I ever have to do that again, I’ll stab myself in the face! (turns to Asian lady on escalator behind him) Hi! Don’t kill yourself!
Asian lady: I probably should…

–Penn Station

Environmentalist with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a minute to help save the environment?
Woman in suit: I’m sorry, I already saved the children this morning and then told the Democratic Party to go fuck themselves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the environment today. Maybe tomorrow, hippie.

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Guy: Oh my god! I just snorted!
Girl: Hey! There’s only room for one snorter and I’ve already claimed that title.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Natalie