Post grad #1: Can't you just come work at planned parenthood with me?
Post grad #2: No, I just need to become a prostitute to make ends meet. Oh my god! Then I could come to planned parenthood to have all my STDs treated!
–105st & Amsterdam
Post grad #1: Can't you just come work at planned parenthood with me?
Post grad #2: No, I just need to become a prostitute to make ends meet. Oh my god! Then I could come to planned parenthood to have all my STDs treated!
–105st & Amsterdam
Overweight effeminate guy: Listen, if I'm gonna have sex with a fat chick, no one is gonna know about it.
Fag hag: Well, what's the point if no one will ever know?
–W Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Dopeman
Headline by: winona
Runners-Up:
· “For the Tax Deduction.” – KJM
· “I Prefer My Charitable Donations to Be Anonymous” – Give’til it hurts
· “It Builds Character?” – Underweight effeminate guy
· “See If the Judge Will Take It As Your Community Service” – Kenneth
· “Shake Your Harpoon and Say, “Thar, She Blew Me”” – Professor Coldheart
· “Why Billy Wasn’t Able To Stay in the Closet for Very Long” – J
Older mother: Do you need a pomegranate, or are you good?
Teen: I'm good.
–Fruit Cart, 18th & 6th
Overheard by: EthanK
Conductor: Please do not hold the doors. (pause) Get out of the door, please. (long pause) Get out of the fucking doors, please. (pause) Jesus, don't you people understand English here?
Blonde: Somebody needs to get laid, bad.
–1 Train
Overheard by: pierre
Old grimy man to cute young bartender: Will you marry me?
Bartender: No!
Old man: I'll pay you.
Bartender: How much?
Old man: $30,000.
Bartender: Ummm… No, I would need at least 3 million.
Old man (shaking his head and talking to himself): I don't get it. It's just not fair. $30,000 is a lot of money.
–Cobblestones Pub
Overheard by: kapnasty
Headline by: hearer
Runners-Up:
· “From the Pilot for “X-Rated Price Is Right”” – BobBugger
· “Just Go Home, Mr. Hefner.” – playgeezer
· “The Market Ain’t What It Used to Be” – Rob
· “Well If You Won’t Marry Me, Will You at Least Be My Running Mate?” – Michelle
· “When Did Heather Mills Start Bartending?” – Paul Ferris
Angry man on cell: I need a friend in my life! Do you hear me?! …I don't care! I'm not leaving my wife for anyone!
–Roosevelt Ave, Flushing
Overheard by: oh, you thought my ipod was on
Girl to friend: Tomorrow I'm finally unpacking and I'm buying a new sundress to wear on Sunday when I go out to brunch with my new love interest. But he doesn't know that's the direction our friendship is headed.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Older woman with teased black hair on cell: But Frank, I don't want you to write a song about me. I want things to be as they were, friends when we were normal. Don't write me a song.
–Staten Island Ferry
Girl to friend: Well, I'm friends with him too and I didn't sleep with him.
–Shake Shack, Union Square
Girl to friend: I'm willing to let you sleep with my best friend and you still want more?
–W 31 & 6th
Overheard by: misery
Angry woman on cell: And then he told this complete stranger, "My ex-wife had lesbian lovers! My ex-wife slept with young boys!" We've been divorced for six years and he's still talking shit about me, but he says he wants to be friends?!
–2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: voidoid
Adorable little boy: Mommy, can I have a Hershey bar?
Mom: Yes.
Adorable little boy: I want this big one.
Mom: You can't have a candy bar that big…you might catch the obesity virus.
–Broadway & 2nd
Ten-year old girl: Can I have another baby?
Mom: Um… No…maybe two.
–W 238th & Broadway
Overheard by: Krisztina, hoping to God they're talking about dolls
Fabulous diner ordering coffee: …with half and half.
Waiter: We're a dairy free restaurant, but we have organic whole milk.
–Josie's, 74th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Where's a dictionary?
Blonde #1: So, why don't we rent a movie? Like Grandma's Boy?
Blonde #2: But you've seen that movie like four times!
Blonde #1: I've seen the movie four times, but I've never really seen it, you know?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Just waiting to use the bathroom
