After Crossing the Canadian Border, the Queen Began Behaving Erratically and Quarrelling with Prince Philip

Old lady #1: Well, we had already put ten thousand in the bank, so the Feds didn’t get ahold of that, thank God.
Old lady #2: Oh, good. Will that cover the cost of the lawyer?
Old lady #1: His Highness doesn’t want one.

–Veselka, 9th & 2nd

Overheard by: Cpt. Kate

Posted on July 15, 2015
Crime and Punishment, Default, Ladies Who Lunch, Money & Class, Old People, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

We Invented Jesus

Young, religious guy: Hey! Do you know Jesus?
Older guy: Of course, I'm Catholic!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lily F.

Posted on July 15, 2015
Christianity, God Squad, Jesus, Old People, Questions, Times Square

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service!

–Franklin Ave Subway

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Overheard by: Zack

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway

Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love.

–Kimmel, NYU

Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

–Duane Reade

Posted on July 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blue-collar workers, Duane Reade, Excretions, Fat People, Food, Free stuff!, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Love, More museums, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thievery, Thugs, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Old People's Conversation Is Like Freeform Jazz

Older woman on park bench: How is Barry?
Older man on park bench: Barry Manilow? Don't know 'em.
Woman: You know Truman Capote's son? He liked pumpkin soup.

–Union Square Park

Posted on July 12, 2015
About Celebrities, Food, Men, Old People, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Women

Tough Talk from a Guy in a Dungeons and Dragons Tee

Old man: Let the people off the train first! Let the people off first! You know the rules!
Young man: Sir, this is New York. There are no rules. You’re living in a fantasy world.

–1 train, 110th St

Overheard by: Josh H

Posted on July 11, 2015
Old People, On the Subway, Only in New York

Meet the Lady Who’s Always on Line Ahead Of You at the Deli

Subway sandwich maker: Can I help you?
Crazy old woman: Ughh.
Lady behind her: Pick from something on the list.
Crazy old woman: Cheese! Just cheese! A cheese sandwich.

–Subway, Hudson Street

Overheard by: Brendan

Posted on July 9, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Crazies, Customers, Default, Junk Food & Fast Food, Offers and requests, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Let’s All Laugh at the Elderly

Old Woman #1: …I like that too. You know what’s good? I like to eat that pissghetti.
Old Woman #2: Yeah, that stuff is good.
Old Woman #1: But they should give it a better name.

–Bronx Supreme Court building

Overheard by: The Evil Sneeze