White guy #1: You know they fine you for smoking on a train platform even when it’s outdoors?
White guy #2: That’s crazy man.
White guy #1: They even fine you for peeing and jumping the turnstile.
White guy #2: Well, I understand jumping the turnstile…but peeing?
–A train
Little girl, sadly: But she got the new Barbie…
Mom: Yeah, but hers is super janky… Yours is the good one, it was all customized for you. You don't want hers.
Little girl: Oh.
–N Train
Overheard by: Brittany M
Girl on train: Excuse me, don't touch my bag.
Young thug: I am just tryin to close your zipper.
Girl: Yeah, and then you take my wallet!
Thug: Why you think I am gonna take yo wallet? Because I'm black?
Girl: No, because I heard you tell your friend “I'imma steal this bitch's wallet.”
Thug: Oh.
–A Train
Homeboy to Latina chick: My name is TC. You know what that stands for? Too Cool, Too Cute, or Too Crazy, you gotta find out which.
Latina chick says nothing.
Homeboy: You look depressed.
–L train, Morgan Ave.
Overheard by: Nick McD
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
–8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
–Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
–Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
–5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
–A Train
Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emily
Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?!
Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green!
–Times Square Shuttle Platform
Overheard by: D-Law
Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared?
–Rockefeller Center
Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!
–F Train
Overheard by: Matt
Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues.
–The Cloisters, Harlem
Overheard by: M@
Chick: We had a great sex life — fuckin’ all the time… Then I find out that he is calling the free exotic party line… I mean, all the time.
Dude: He’s a loser if he spends all his time doing it… Will you have sex with me now?
–2 train
Overheard by: aeongirl777
Chick #1: Damn yo, why aren’t there aboveground trains in the city?
Chick #2: They’d crash into the buildings. Duh! Pfft.
–J train
Overheard by: maggie
13-year-old girl #1: I can't believe he's with that ho now.
13-year-old girl #2: It's 'cause she just got right up in his face and spread 'em. She just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Well, yeah, I mean she's ugly so she'd had to do something really extreme, you know?
13-year-old girl #2: Yeah, girl, she just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Whatever, it might have been easy but I could do all kinds of freaky things she just can't ever do for him. She made it easy, but she ain't a freak like me. I can do him all kinds of freaky ways that no one else can.
13-year-old girl #2: Well, I can do some freaky shit too.
13-year-old girl #1: Yeah, maybe. But not like me. I think I'm the freakiest woman alive. I got secrets you just can't even imagine. And I'm not sharin'.
–1 Train
Overheard by: shocked and appalled
