Guy: Here’s to 5 inches or less!
Girl: …I really could take that the wrong way.
Guy: I’m talking about the storm!
–Whiskey River, 2nd Avenue
Guy: Here’s to 5 inches or less!
Girl: …I really could take that the wrong way.
Guy: I’m talking about the storm!
–Whiskey River, 2nd Avenue
Prep school boy #1: So, does she still like you?
Prep school boy #2: Yes, and she’s ruining my hallway experience.
–G train
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
NYU girl #1: I thought businesswomen were supposed to be self-confident and clean.
NYU girl #2: No, they’re just assertive and bitchy.
NYU girl #1, sighing: I hate having roommates.
–B train
Overheard by: Hoboken Biscuit
Girl: I’m just worried that she’s going to be scary. I mean, talk about Bible stories, but not the Devil, or going to hell. They’re 5 year olds.
Guy: I wouldn’t worry about that.
Girl: Just, you know, some Christians are crazy.
Guy: I’m more worried that they’ll want to be naked and she’ll be offended.
–1 train
Overheard by: Nadine
Six-year-old blonde girl with a Hanna Montana purse: Daddy, it’s so dark, isn’t this romantic?
Dad, nervously looking around: No, this is the farthest thing from romantic.
–7 Train
Female conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped here due to congestion ahead. We should be moving shortly. [2-3 minutes later.] Ladies and gentlemen, due to a malfunctioning signal, everyone will need to get off the train, take the 4 back up to 149 St Grand Concourse and take the 2 train downtown.
Train riders: [Groan.]Conductor: April fools! Stand clear of the closing doors.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Mike T
Catholic School boy #1: Man, I can call a bitch a bitch if I wanna call her a bitch.
Catholic School girl: Nah, you can’t call a girl a bitch. It’s offensive, stupidass.
Catholic School boy #2: Yeah man, I don’t call ’em bitch no more. Now, I call ’em broads.
Catholic School boy #1: Nah, I ain’t callin’ you a bitch cause you bitchin’. I’m calling you a bitch cause that’s just what you call ’em. It’s a colloquialism.
–6 train
Overheard by: Jacob Feldman
Hobo: Can anyone help me get something to eat? Please please someone, please, help me out with something to eat?
Woman: Would you like a slice of pizza?
Hobo: Not now, baby!
–1 train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Hobo: I need money to get food, and a haircut and an ID.
Guy: You’re gonna use it for drugs.
Hobo: No! I hate that. Why do people yell out “drugs”?
Woman: ’cause you look high.
The hobo leaves the car, experiences a moment of l’esprit d’escalier, and returns.
Hobo: Well, hello to you miss.
–D train
Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.
–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!
–1 Train
Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!
–N Train
Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…
–5th Ave & 14th St
Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: jessi pfeufer
Girl: How old is that guy?
Guy: Who, Bono? 40, 45.
Girl: Oh, and where are they from, England?
–7 train
Overheard by: Jack Kennedy
