You Won’t Be Laughing When the “Juicy” Diet Takes America by Storm

Drunk black woman #1: No, you gotta put cocoa butter on your legs and drink water. Water keeps your body juicy!
Drunk black woman #2: Jui-cy! Bam-bam!
Drunk black woman #1: That’s right, water keeps you juicy… [Sees young Asian woman smiling at them] Oooh, she know what I’m talkin’ about! She exotic… She an Asian girl.
Drunk black woman #2: Bam-bam!
Drunk black woman #1: Yeahhh… She know what I’m talkin’ about… Oh, shit, it’s our stop… Thank God, because I’m ’bout to squat down somewhere! [Both stagger off train.]

–1 train

Overheard by: amused

Posted on March 23, 2015
Advice, Black People, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Food, On the Subway, Pee, Race, Talking/Convos

“…Well, don’t look directly!”

Girl: We aren’t underground, are we?
Guy: Look over there; there’s the sun.

–2 train

Overheard by: Wally

Posted on March 23, 2015
Animals & Nature, Idiots, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Sounds Like a Soggy Biscuit Was Involved

Guy #1: Yeah, I really like her but she’s already got three kids.
Guy #2: With how many guys?
Guy #1: I don’t know, three or four.

–1 train

Overheard by: crumbr

Posted on March 23, 2015
Dating, Guys, Kids, On the Subway, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

It Might Be Because You’re Both Nellies

Drunk guy #1: Hey, how come we never banged our neighbor?
Drunk guy #2: Because she’s 17 years old!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why didn’t we bang her mom?
Drunk guy #2: Because we’re faggots!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why haven’t we banged each other?

–V train

Posted on March 22, 2015
Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Sex

Geez, Is That How It’s Supposed to Go?

Drunk old guy: That’s a very nice dress… You’re a very beautiful woman. If I were thirty years younger, I–
Woman: –Would wear this dress?

–A train

Overheard by: Kirk

Posted on March 22, 2015
Comebacks, Compliments, Drunks, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Is People!

Little girl to mother: I like the way you taste.

–SoHo

Overheard by: nicky d

Dude on cell: Mice are cannibalizing other mice? Oh, god, that’s awful!

–7 train, Queens

Overheard by: Anthony

Goth chick to another: I don’t care, I am not eating Matthew’s mother’s flesh!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Me neither

Ghetto dude: Heh, heh… Heh… Fried nigga-fingers!

–13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca Odorisio

Ghetto girl to two others: He said he was gonna marinate me for a while… Yes, he did!

–Manhattan-bound E train

Overheard by: Julz

Chick on cell: We’ll never run for office on the conservative Christian ticket now that we’ve discussed eating fetuses with teriyaki sauce.

–Harlem

Posted on March 20, 2015
Food, Ghetto Chicks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, Soho

We’re Considering Branding Wednesday One-liners

Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.

–MTV Studios, Times Square

Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Bill Ray

Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!

–32nd & 2nd

Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?

–7 train

Overheard by: Todd Horan

Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Shoshana

Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.

–58th & Lexington

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

Posted on March 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Drunks, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Latinos, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper East Side, Yuppies

Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?

Confused student #1: We've only got 1 minute to get to first period.
Confused student #2: What time is it?
Confused student #1, looking at watch: It's 8:01 and class starts at 8:02.
Confused student #2: No, it starts at 8:08. And my watch says it's 7:55.
Confused student #1: Really? I'm so tired I didn't remember.
Confused student #2: Why are you tired?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I woke up on the floor this morning.
Confused student #2: On the floor? Why were you on the floor?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor.
Confused student #2: That sucks. I woke up in the bathtub once.
Confused student #1: What would be worse is waking up on the toilet.
Confused student #2: I couldn't imagine that.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Yoteh

Posted on March 19, 2015
Compare/Contrast, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Time, Weirdness

Matt Dillon Just Popped a Champagne Cork into His Eye

Woman: I can’t tell Matt Dillon and his brother apart.
Man: I know! I thought it was Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Woman: It is Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Man: No, it’s his brother!
Woman: Nooo, it’s Matt Dillon…
Man: Wait, is it?

–1 train, 14th St

Overheard by:

Posted on March 18, 2015
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Movies, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

I Hope No Men Find Out How Foul Women Can Be

Female yuppie #1: … And it was smeared all over the walls of the stall!
Female yuppie #2: Oh my god, that is so disgusting.
Female yuppie #1: Yeah, I can’t believe someone would do that at work.
Female yuppie #2: I can’t believe someone would do that ever!

–South-bound G train

Overheard by: Kevin

Posted on March 18, 2015
Excretions, On the Subway, Yuppies

On the Subway