Tall awkward white dude: So you mean to tell me you never question your sexuality?
Girl, shaking her head slowly: No.
Tall awkward white dude: I mean, it's not like it's conscience. It's like a barometer thing: when you meet someone, you just respond.
–7 Train
Stressed woman, on the verge of tears: She thinks because she's fourteen she can come home whenever she wants and treat me however she wants!
Male friend: Kids are young, dumb, and full of cum!
Stressed woman: True, dat.
–E Train
Overheard by: Luis
Gay guy #1: I shouldn't have told them about it.
Gay guy #2: Oh, don't feel bad. We're both going to hell anyway.
–1 Train
Mom to crying baby: Oh my god, shut the hell up!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Jay
Guy: Maybe we get a whiteboard so you list out that day's issues before we get on the subway.
Girl: I'm done talking.
Guy: We weren't talking: you were making statements of what I do wrong.
–N Train
Jogger #1: I heard some really good advice the other day. Apparently, the key to life is running and reading.
Jogger #2: Who said that?
Jogger #1: I think it was either Will Smith or Barack Obama.
–E Train
Overheard by: Philips
Five year old to dad: Look, dad, we're going over the bridge!
Dad to five-year-old son, in admonishing tone: Remember? It's not a bridge; it's a viaduct.
–F Train
Overheard by: 27 year old who thought it was a bridge, too
Burnout #1: Yo, is the Dove company that makes chocolate the same Dove company that makes like lotion?
Burnout #2: Man, what are you talking about?
Burnout #1: I'm just wondering. I was eating Dove chocolate the other day and it said it was “extra creamy.” I'm just…ya know…what kind of cream you think they use?
–E Train
Overheard by: Moisturized Chocolate Lover
Conductor in thick Indian accent: Everybody's stressed out on their way to work, but remember you only came on the train with two hands! If you feel a third hand on you, feel free to do whatever you want with it!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: megan rose
Young woman on cell: Daddy? Mommy said you called. Is it about your testicles?
–78th & Lexington
Overheard by: Bob
Man on cell: I just saw this human female walk by with these legs…
–SoHo
Overheard by: Another human female
Passing female coworker: Stick my finger up to the middle knuckle to make sure it's warm.
–31st St
Dorky guy to friends: So then she gets on the table and the next thing you know, one leg is over her head and I just didn't know what to do with myself…
–3rd & 23rd
Overheard by: tila
Jersey lady: Now I have to straddle him, hold on to his ears, and do it.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Wow. Just… wow.
Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!
–Union Square Station
Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!
–South Ferry Terminal
Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!
–G Train
Overheard by: lucyruth
Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.
–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington
Overheard by: julie f
Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"
–Met Life Building
Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!
–F Train
Overheard by: BLAH
