Girl: So, if you had to pick between a longer foot and a flipper foot, what would you choose? How about one big merman fin?
Guy: Wait, are these options?
–1 train
Overheard by: Yesenia
Girl: So, if you had to pick between a longer foot and a flipper foot, what would you choose? How about one big merman fin?
Guy: Wait, are these options?
–1 train
Overheard by: Yesenia
Conservatively-Dressed guy: So my fingers are covered with little box-cutter cuts, which means I can’t go shoving them into the places that I used to. Now I might catch something.
–Brooklyn bound L train
Young man, after unsuccessfully hitting on young woman: Yo, a nurse’s job is to take care of the patients.
Young woman: Mmm hmm.
Young man: Yo, but I’ma be a nurse practitioner. They do the same thing doctors do.
Young woman: Oh?
Young man: I could perform heart surgery on you. Not legally. But I could do it.
–4 train, 2:30 AM
Overheard by: Brandon
Thug: He is treating me like I am not gangsta. This is hurting me. He is treating me like I am not gangsta! I am gangsta!
–Subway platform, Herald Square
Overheard by: Brian
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.
–Battery Park
Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.
–Lindy’s, 7th Ave
Overheard by: joemikehap
Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!
–F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.
–Grand Central
Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.
–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!
–Times Square
Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!
–7 train
Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn
Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Keith
Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?
–32nd & 7th
Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!
–238th & Broadway
Overheard by: Miriam
Conductor: We know it’s Monday, and we’re sorry, but we still want to wish you a good week.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Hates Mondays
Conductor: This is the 5:50 super duper express train to Great Neck.
–LIRR
Overheard by: vm
Conductor: This is an uptown D train, making stops to wherever I want.
–Uptown D train
Overheard by: tired commuter
Conductor: 207th Street. Last stop. Everyone wake up and get the fuck off my train; I want to go home. Thanks for riding MTA.
–Uptown A train, 207th St
Overheard by: How far north can you go?
Conductor: Stand clear of the…uh…opening doors.
–Q train, 57th St
Overheard by: K. Chas
Conductor: Everybody out. This is the last stop on the Manhattan bound L train. You must use the Brooklyn bound L train and connect to the G to the A or C trains for service to Manhattan. [The train empties] Hahaha. Just kidding! Everybody back on. This train is going to Manhattan.
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Taylor G.
Conductor: Good morning, Manhattan, it’s Friday. We can do this! This is a Brooklyn bound 1 train. It’s 7:54. You’ve got plenty of time!
–1 train
Man #1: Do you need help getting anywhere?
Momo #1: I dunno.
Momo #2: Umm, what’s that place? Penn something?
Momo #3: We need to go downtown to Grand Central Station.
Man #1: Oh, okay. You’re fine. You need to keep going uptown on this train.
Momo #2: Are you, umm, sure? ‘Cause it says we need to go downtown.
Momo #1: Maybe there’s more than one Grand Central, stupid.
Momo #2: Shut up!
Momo #1: Excuse me, is there more than one?
Woman: No, you ladies are fine. There’s only one, and you’re on the right train.
Momo #3: That’s so stupid. These directions told us we need to go downtown.
Momo #1: Yeah, like what’s up with that?
Man #2: It depends on where you start. If you were north of Grand Central you would have to go downtown, but if you were south of it you need to go uptown.
Three momos stare vacantly at man #2.
Woman: This is your stop, ladies.
Momo #2, walking off the train: This is probably the wrong Grand Central.
–Uptown 6 train
Overheard by: Beerinder
Little girl: Daddy, how many stops are on this train?
Dad: Just one. It goes back and forth, back and forth all day.
Little girl: No it doesn’t.
Dad: Would I lie?
Little girl: Sometimes you do.
–S train
