Queer: You are all a bunch of crackers…What are you laughing at, Jew? We have a cracker and a Jew, it’s like a Lunchable.
–1 train
Queer: You are all a bunch of crackers…What are you laughing at, Jew? We have a cracker and a Jew, it’s like a Lunchable.
–1 train
Girl: So I’m finally going to tell that guy that I like him.
Father: What guy?
Girl: That really hot dude that took me to the prom.
Father: Oh, ok, good.
Girl: But it’s going to be really weird cuz this guy could have any woman he wants.
Father: Just hit him over the head, drag him in the house and don’t let him leave.
–A train
Overheard by: cave man style
Hipster on cell: Dude, yeah, coffee gives me the shits too; but I'd rather have the shits than no coffee.
–Dunkin' Donuts
Overheard by: Madalyn
Poet, selling self-published book on train: We're like Starbucks coffee and biscotti; you're tall and hot and I'm hard and nutty.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Marc
Little girl to mother: It's like every single person in the whole wide world came to Starbucks and we were the veeeerrrrryyy last ones.
–Starbucks
Colonel Sanders-looking man, in strong Southern accent: I want somethin cold… Whadya git?
–Starbucks
Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don't!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren't!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.
–A Train
Suit #1: Good thing my girlfriend had an abortion, or I’d have a 16-year-old kid right now.
Suit #2: Yeah? I never heard this story.
–F Train
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: kasey
Runners-Up:
· “Haven’t You Ever Asked About My Framed Coathanger?” – Ian
· “Jesus; Always the Son, Never the Father” – benny blanco
· “Lifetime Wasn’t Interested” – Emily Leonard
· “Neither Did My Wife…” – phox
· “Once Upon a Vacuum…” – blistexaddict
· “Well Jimmy, When a Man and Woman Like Sex Without Commitments….” – mkp-hearts-nyc
· “Your Wife Was Pretty Insistent I Never Tell You” – Greg Costello
Woman: Look at all these rude motherfuckin’ men! Can’t get up and let none of these ladies have a seat.
Man: Having a vagina is not a disability.
–L train
Loud evangelist, shouting in packed subway car: And so I discovered that Jesus Christ is the only messiah! I found the Lord! I found the truth and the light!
Trapped passenger #1: Could you turn it down a little?
Loud evangelist, shouting in packed subway car: I was a sinner! I spent thirty-five years running from the word of the Lord!
Trapped passenger #2: At least you could run…
–A Train
Overheard by: peeper
Eight-year-old thuglet: Yo, the 14-year-old one was hot. I liked her.
Friend: Yo, cuz’, you can’t get no 14-year-old girl. Forget it!
Eight-year-old thuglet: Please! I could and I have!
Friend: 14? That hot?
Eight-year-old thuglet: Try 15. And hotter.
–F train
Overheard by: freckles
Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!
–Broadway
Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.
–Broadway & Spring
20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.
–Q Train
Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!
–Neptune Ave
Overheard by: taylor
Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.
–Centre St
Woman #1: I noticed last night you had your nails done.
Woman #2: I hope I didn’t hurt you.
Woman #1: We just have to be careful not to stretch anything.
Woman #2: Let’s call Jimmy next time, he’s great from a directive point of view.
Woman #1: I wonder if anyone’s listening to this conversation…
–A Train
