The White Devil's Wednesday One-Liners

Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…

–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx

Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Spec

Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.

–T.G.I. Friday's

Overheard by: Chris K

Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".

–37th & 3rd

Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.

–3rd & 1st

Overheard by: j

Posted on September 18, 2014
Age/Aging, Asians, Black People, Cleanliness, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Hobos, Latinos, Men, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Post Office, Psychology, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Threats, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

You Want to End Up As Fat, Sick and Broke As I Am?

Dad: So, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Son: Oh, you know, a usual Saturday night… Pizza, beer, and strippers.
Dad: Okay, can you just pick one of those, because all of those are unhealthy.

–N Train

Overheard by: dc visitor

Posted on September 17, 2014
Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Parents, Pizza, Questions, Strippers

If Daddy Doesn't Get Croissant at Home, He'll Look Elsewhere

Mom pushing stroller: May I have some of your croissant?
Little girl in stroller: Yeah, but not daddy.
Mom: Oh, you don't want daddy to have any of your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want to control who gets to eat your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want control of your croissant?
Little girl: …yeah.
Mom: You want croissant power?
Little girl: (silence)
Mom: You want to be Captain croissant?
Little girl: (silence)

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Commodore Croissant

Posted on September 16, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Girls, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Parents, Park Slope, Questions, Weirdness

What Happens Between Starbucks Runs #22 and #23

Girl: I’m going to bed when I get home.
Mom: OK, if I get up before you and I want to do something fun, then should I wake you up?
Girl: It depends on what “fun” is. If it’s one of your ninety-seven Starbucks runs, then no. If it’s chasing the dog around the house going “Eeeeee!” then, yeah, sure.

–B train

Posted on September 16, 2014
Animals & Nature, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Parents, Teens, We Love Our Pets

Can We See Ratatouille Again, Daddy?

Little girl: I am looking for the rat that we saw eating throw-up. It was… soooo…
Dad: Soooo awesome… I remember!

–Rector & Trinity

Posted on September 15, 2014
Animals & Nature, Dads, Food, Kids, Parents, Vomit, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

He'll Feel Superior for About a Minute, Before He Realizes He's in Brooklyn

Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don't want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up… wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train)

–Q Train

Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic

Posted on September 14, 2014
Advice, Default, Directions, Ghetto Chicks, Insults, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Subway conductors, Suits, Weirdness

If You Only Know This Term Because of Full House, Raise Your Hand.

Mother: So remember, when we get off the train, you have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh.
Mother: Do you understand? You have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh, mom! Capeesh!

–A Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on September 14, 2014
Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Words

If Children Never Grew Up, Police Interrogations Would Be a Lot Easier.

Mom to little daughter: You don't need to say that part. Just say “excuse me.”
Little daughter: Excuse me… I farted!

–67th St & Columbus Ave

Posted on September 12, 2014
Apologies, Farting & Burping, Kids, Moms, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Unless You’re Getting Out of a Limo

Little kid: You show me yours and I’ll show you mine.
Mom: No, honey, that’s not how it works.
Little kid: But I’ll show you mine…
Mom: They’re called privates for a reason — you’re not supposed to show people.

–Restroom, Central Park

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on September 11, 2014
Central Park, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Private Parts, Words

What's a White Kid Go for These Days, Anyway?

Dorky little white kid: What happens if I fall in the tracks?
Dorky white dad: I guess I'd have to buy a new kid.
Dorky little white kid: That's beastin'!

–Q Train

Overheard by: that *is* beastin'

Posted on September 4, 2014
Accidents, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, White People

Parents