Girl: It's the one thing my father taught me: always be faster than your slowest friend.
Guy: Was your father a gazelle?
–12th St & Broadway
Girl: It's the one thing my father taught me: always be faster than your slowest friend.
Guy: Was your father a gazelle?
–12th St & Broadway
Girl, after boy flirtatiously bites her arm: Motherfucker!
Boy: I am.
Girl: What?
Boy: I fucked a mother.
Girl: You have?
Boy: Yeah, I fucked a girl who had an abortion.
–East Village
Man, motioning to baby carriage: That yours?
Man with baby carriage, nodding sheepishly: Surprisingly, yeah.
–Broadway & 110th St
Teen skater #1: Dude, I wanted to chill on Easter but my mom said I had to go to church.
Teen skater #2: You should've said “mom, fuck church!”
Teen skater #1: Dude, if I had said “fuck,” I wouldn't be alive. I would've been under the couch. My mama would've stuffed me in a bag… Put some incense on that shit so it wouldn't smell.
–6 Train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Vegan on elevator to friend: Honey… that's not vegan.
Friend: It's not? But it don't kill no bees?
Vegan: But it comes from an animal, remember: anything that has a mommy. Honey is kind of gross anyway, it's bee spit.
Friend: Damn! That's some tasty-ass spit, though, isn't it? I would tongue a bee. In a heartbeat!
Vegan, ignoring last phrase: What else? Marshmallows, they have horse bones in them…
–31st St
Little girl: Mom, it's okay, I'll be fine.
Mom: Are you sure, sweetie? You know you always call me and tell me how much you miss me when I'm away.
Little girl: Yeah, mom, but I miss you at home.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Brok
Little boy to mother: Mom, can I have a motorcycle? I'll take really good care of it!
Mother to son: My son, you will never have a motorcycle. It's dangerous… Mommy will buy you a BMW.
–Brooklyn
Man: When's your baby's birthday?
Mom: Last week.
Man: Oh, he a Gemini?
Mom: No, he a Tuareg.
Man: Oh, shoot, watch out.
–R Train
Dramatically upset woman outside bathroom: I knew I had to pee before, but I chose not to! And now I'm facing the consequences!
–La Lanterna, The Village
Overheard by: Sunny
Woman holding child: Does looking at the fountain make you have to pee? It makes mommy have to pee. It's only natural.
–Bryant Park
Guy to friend: No, seriously, I think I legit peed on that guy!
–30th St & 9th Ave
Guy on cell: No, I will not urinate with you!
–The Met
Woman in turtleneck to suit: I mean, people shouldn't only eat when they're hungry. (pause) Or go to the bathroom when they have to… only. That's like, bad for your bladder!
–86th St & 5th Ave
Woman on cell: I don't care about them. I don't care about their urine. I don't care about their office!
–Court & Carroll, Brooklyn
Three-year-old boy to mother: Mommy, there is a baby in your stomach that is making you throw up.
–G Train
Guy with hand over friend's mouth, encouraging him not to throw up: No! No! No!
–Q Train
Guy, pleading with girl: Don't go home. (pukes on self) Why do you have to go home?
–32nd St & Madison Ave
Man standing next to woman throwing up: Beans and rice… No, corn.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julian
