Oh, Puke, It's Wednesday One-Liners!

Teenybopper: I was going to see Legally Blonde, but then I threw up in Kmart twice.

–Delacourte Theater, before Hair

Overheard by: Morgan

Girl to another: It's easy–you just put your finger down your throat and you vomit!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy on laptop to woman sitting next to him: Sorry if I make throw-up noises, no offense.

–Penn Station, NJ Transit

Overheard by: altaatlantic

Girl on cell: Oh my god. Like if that meal wasn't so expensive, I would have thrown it up!

–3rd Ave & 8th St

Overheard by: rachel

Teenage girl on payphone: Ma? Hey ma? Hold on. (vomits) I'm throwing up! (vomits some more) I *said* I'm (vomits a third time) throwing up. I'm done now. What?

–Wilson Ave, Bushwick

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Girl to friend, while smoking: So there I was, puking…and they started to have sex!

–Third and Long Bar

Posted on October 8, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penn Station, Sex, Theater, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Weirdness

What's More Disturbing: A) Geographical Ignorance; or B) Use of “Colored Person”?

Girl #1: Here's a picture of the guy I hooked up with this weekend. God, I can't believe I hooked up with a Bulgarian…
Girl #2: Wait. That's him? I was expecting a colored person. Is Bulgaria not in Africa?

–Penn Station

Posted on October 7, 2008
Default, Girls, Global Geography, Hook Ups, Idiots, Penn Station, Pictures, Race, Stupidity, Words

As Opposed to All the Non-White People on Growing Pains?

Old black guy #1: Have you heard from Sheryl lately?
Old black guy #2: Yeah, she married a white boy.
Old black guy #1: Damn.
Old black guy #2: There ain't nothing wrong with white boys! She married Alan Thicke's son!
Old black guy #1: She married Alan Thicke?
Old black guy #2: No, man…Alan Thicke's son!
Old black guy #1: Wait, which one is Alan Thicke?
Old black guy #2: He's that white-ass nigga from Growing pains!
Old black guy #1: Damn!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on October 2, 2008
About Celebrities, Black People, Default, Guys, Marriage, Old People, Penn Station, Questions, Race, TV

…I'll Invent My Own Science Fiction Religion

Christian pamphlet-wielder: Excuse me, would you like to learn about the rapture?
Exasperated 20-something: I swear, if I see one more of you beam-me-up ladies…

–Penn Station

Posted on September 27, 2008
Activists, Christianity, Church, Default, God Squad, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Questions, Religion, Threats, Women, Words

Where in the World Are Wednesday One-Liners?

College girl: So, I'm thinking of going to France and/or, like, Europe.

–Penn Station

Confused tourist with map: Where's Chicago? Oh, right…that's here in New York City, right?

–Times Square

Guy with map in Tribeca (pointing ahead to the south): Okay, so Central Park should be this way…

–Tribeca

Wide-eyed tourist: Oh my god, we're in Central Park! Can you believe it?

–Riverside Park

30-something zoo patron to zoo employee: I thought Madagascar was just the name of a character in that movie.

–Madagascar Exhibit, Bronx Zoo

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Global Geography, Guys, Idiots, Movies, NYC Geography, Penn Station, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, The Bronx, Times Square, Tourism, Tourist Attractions, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

What Men Think Women Talk About All Day

Girl: I really like your Uggs.
Other girl: I like my jugs too.

–Forever 21, Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: i like them too

Posted on September 21, 2008
Compliments, Default, Girls, Nipples, Penn Station, Shoes, Store, Words

Although One of Them Really Liked The Notebook

Man #1: You have kids?
Man #2: Yeah, four sons. All boys.

–Penn Station

Posted on September 13, 2008
Default, Gender issues, Kids, Men, Penn Station, Questions, Stupidity, Words

If We Never See Another Negro Pizza Fund Wednesday One-Liner Again, It'll Be Too Soon

Hobo: Can you spare a donation to the united negro pizza fund?

–120th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Mikey T

Hobo: Would you like to make a donation to the united negro pastrami fund?

–21st & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lawrence C

Hobo: Hello ladies, would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund?

–Broadway, SoHo

Bum on street: Please give to the united negro pizza fund.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Squid

Hobo: Contribute to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund!

–Prince & Wooster

Black hobo to tourists: Would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami fund?

–Bleecker & Leroy

Overheard by: Lynn

Hobo: Please give to to the united negro pizza fund. A pepperoni is a terrible thing to waste. (30 minutes later) What's the best nation? A do-nation!

–Outside Buddha Bar

Posted on September 10, 2008
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Pizza, Questions, Race, Soho, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Remember When You Tried to Stack Those Turtles?

(a guy is selling brightly colored books titled How to Roll a Blunt for Dummies)
Five-year-old kid: Mommy, whats that book about???
Mother (flustered and pushing him away): Umm…umm…uhhh… Honey, not all books are educational!

–Penn Station

Posted on September 9, 2008
Books & Writing, Default, Education, Kids, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Questions

Ooo, Can I Get This Tankini?

Father to bored seven-year-old son: I have the Post and the Daily News, which one do you want?
Son: (takes newspaper skeptically)
Father: Go to page six.
Son: Why?
Father: That's where the girls in bikinis are.

–Penn Station

Posted on September 4, 2008
Advice, Boys, Dads, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Sexuality