God Bless Wednesday One-Liners

Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trixie

Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.

–129th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Koen

Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.

–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St

Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?

–4th Ave & Atlantic

Overheard by: Mike N

Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!

–CVS Pharmacy

Posted on April 2, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Business and Commerce, Cops, Default, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Government, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Terrorism, Weirdness, Women

Even Jabba Liked Pretty Girls

Girl: He’s gross.
Guy: Well, he likes you.
Girl: He’s like Jabba the Hut!

–79th & Lex

Overheard by: Shivvers

Posted on March 29, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, Physical appearance, Upper East Side

Five O’Clock Shadow?

Guy #1: Did I tell you I saw a woman’s pussy on the train today?
Guy #2: Nah, man.
Guy #1: Yeah, this chick sat opposite me in the shortest skirt, and her pussy was just like, BAM! There!
Guy #2: No way! She had no panties?
Guy #1: Of course. She was Hispanic.
Guy #2: Was that shit shaved?
Guy #1: I… uhhh… It was definitely buzzed.

–12th & Washington

Posted on March 27, 2008
Clothing, Default, Foreigners, Friends, Guys, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Vagina, Waxing, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Had Porcupine Quills

Woman on crowded train: They’re gonna make me eat the pole.

–E train

Overheard by: wish i had a pole to hold on to

Man to androgynous passenger: Are we going out on a date later? Because if we aren’t, you better get off of me!

–Crowded Q27 bus

Conductor on PA: To put it simply, get in where you fit in!

–C train

Overheard by: Maggie

Bus driver: Move it back, people, it’s crowded. It’s gonna get tight back there. But you know what I always say — ‘If it’s tight, it’s alright.’

–10th St & Ave D

Conductor, as his crowded train pulls into the station: Well, whaddya know?! More people.

–F train, Broadway & Lafayette

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on March 26, 2008
Bus Drivers, Default, Fears, Men, Offers and requests, On the Bus, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, Soho, Subway conductors, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

The “Bun” Hairstyle Is Deconstructed at Last

Bimbette #1: Dykes just don’t look good with faux-hawks.
Bimbette #2: Well, I guess it gives them something else to sit on… depending on how much gel they use.

–F train

Overheard by: Philip

Posted on March 24, 2008
Beauty, Bimbettes, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Hair, Insults, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Sexuality

She Was Hoping the Plaid Shirt Would Finally Do the Trick

Chick: Um, Mo, I never thought I’d ask you this, but… does this shirt make me look like a lesbian?
Lesbian, laughing: Oh my God, no! Just make sure nobody thinks we’re together…

–192nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Curly girl

Posted on March 22, 2008
Clothing, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lesbians, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Questions, Sexuality, Street

The Oblivious Thrill of Anticipating Wearing a Frat Guy’s Semen on Your Leg

Girl #1: I can’t wait ’til we get to college. We’re going to be different people. And, like, we’re going to be the best dressed people on campus. We’re gonna be awesome!
Girl #2: Yeah. No one will dress better than us!
Girl #1: Yeah. So awesome!

–Macy’s dressing room, 34th St

Overheard by: evie24

Posted on March 20, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, School and studying, Store, Teens

But What Else Do We Know about Ann Coulter?

Girl #1: She’s such a fucking bitch.
Girl #2: She’s such a motherfucking bitch.
Girl #1: Yeah, but she’s hot.
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s really fucking hot.

–7th & Ave A

Posted on February 29, 2008
Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Physical appearance, Union Square and East Village

Physical appearance